Lazenby 8

Happy 5th Birthday Lili-Bugs!

2012-01-26T08:25:00.001-08:00

Although we won't actually CELEBRATE until her brothers come home to us next week, I can't help but reminisce about TODAY - the day my first-born turns 5!

I am working on her special Birthday letter in which I will record all of the things that we see that makes her HER, what our hopes and prayers are for her; but I will share with you (family) who don't get to see her very often at all some things about Lili that you don't get to see.

* She is smart - as I try to teach her things, her letters, numbers, or even logic - she is ahead of me in an intimidating way. I keep telling my husband - I have no idea how I am going to homeschool her, or just to keep up with her - she is EAGER to learn and VERY curious. She soaks in Bible time, and has memorized:

Psalm 1 (the whole chapter)

I Tim. 3:16-17

Psalm 42:1

Psalm 19:1-3 & 7-9

Philippians 2:3-4

Ephesians 6:1-3

Colossians 3:20

I John 1:9

* She talks. ALL. THE. TIME. I don't know how to explain it in a way that you can understand seriously how much she talks. The clearest example that I can think of is sort of gross - but will help to illustrate how much she talks. When she had the stomach flu, I was in the bathroom with her as she sat on the potty & was vomiting into her bucket . . . :( (So sad, I know). She was well beyond the point of having anything to throw up, and she heaved so painfully hard for hours and hours. Well, she was sitting on the potty and heaving into her bucket and saying in between each heave: MOM??? (HEAVE) WHEN (HEAVE) AM (HEAVE) I (HEAVE) GOING (HEAVE) TO STOP (HEAVE) THROW(HEAVE)ING (HEAVE) UP????? (HEAVE). It was a little comic relief, as I was feeling just so sorry for her I had tears in my eyes because of how brave and tough she was being (I remember vomiting at her age and thinking I was going to die from not being able to breathe). She canNOT help but being a commentator on everything that is going on in our home with everyone, and she likes to tell us about everything that she is doing all of the time.

* She is a little fashionista - and she DOESN'T get this from me! I've never been a slave to fashion - and consider myself blissfully ignorant of it. I'm not sure that the combinations of things Lili comes up with would make it to any runway, but she puts things together and OWNS it in a way that makes it look cute! She can still fit some of stretchy outfits they make at build-a-bear, and she will layer those on top of bigger outfits, or she will wrap fabric around her neck or head, and put little doll dresses on her hands like fashion gloves - I was trying to collect and store all of the photos of her outfits in one spot for easy reference - but I'm sad to say - I don't have time! She does have strong opinions about what she likes to wear (not disrespectfully, but she likes what she likes).

* She is very helpful and loving - She is always asking to help me with whatever I am doing, and eager to do her chores. This is such a blessing! She is always so very affectionate with her sibs too. She has her days, but for the most part she LOVES helping her little sibs with everything and everything - even if they don't want it :)

* She is very independent - She's not one to snuggle too much, and she is very daring.

Looking back . . . .

None of my other kiddos did this. A unique Lili-ism :)

Well, this all all the time I have allotted for blogging for now.

I feel a bit behind in some of her training . . . due to the rapid fire pregnancies and infants since she's been born . . . so for this year our main goals for her are get a morning routine, chore training, swim lessons, and for her to learn to read. :)

So thankful to the Lord for this precious girl. I so wish she knew you all back in NY better :( I hope to bring her with me this or next year when I come.

IF

2012-01-25T14:54:00.000-08:00

"If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word,

then I know nothing of Calvary love.

For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water,

however suddenly jolted."

Amy Carmichael

Tea Time

2012-01-16T19:59:00.000-08:00

This dear lady and her husband have blessed our socks off in this last year . . . from opening their hearts and homes to our family, to many late night conversations, encouragement, and just loving on our family. PERIOD. Donna and I share a lot of the same LOVES (Biblical counseling, Titus 2 Ministry, Soaking grains ;) Cabbage soup, BREAD, crafts etc.), and are both artsy fartsy :) We got to enjoy Every Husbands Nightmare craft Bazaar in the fall, and we both took our time in each booth ooing and awwing over things, and scheming how we could make our own . . . to discussing dreams of opening OUR own craft shop :) The Lord sent her and her husband Craig into our lives at such an amazing period of our lives, having experienced some of the same situations that we face (IE. having a blended family), and are so gentle, joyful, and have set such an example of grace, maturity, charity, and wisdom that we hope to emulate. I thank you Lord, for sending along such treasured friends, family really - in Your perfect timing.

Donna came over and hosted the girls first ever tea. We had aspired going to the Heathman in downtown Portland for their VERY big-to-do Christmas tea, but we just couldn't do it this year, so Mrs. Lawless brought it to us. It's been a week, and the girls make her thank you cards every day, and talk about their tea . . . every day. So, Thank you Mrs. "Wallace" for loving on us. We are so very thankful for you!

The balloons and banner are actually from Maddie's birthday celebration - I am leaving them up - since Lili's birthday is around the corner. Birthday month! Time to PARTAY!

On the menu:

Delectable Huckleberry tea straight from Idaho

Dreamy Red Velvet cake from Costco

Lorna Doon shortbread cookies

Melt in your mouth Biscotti

Manderin Orange slices

Donna hand-painted the girls tea-cups / saucers for Christmas - just their size :)

I have a ton of pictures to post, updates to write . . . this is it for tonight though - I need to try to get some sleep while I can - we just never know what the night has in store for us these days!

Thanks for stopping in!

If you give a mom a muffin . . .

2012-01-11T09:51:00.000-08:00

IF YOU GIVE A MOM A MUFFIN

"If you give a mom a muffin, she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it. She'll pour herself some. Her three-year-old will spill the coffee. She'll wipe it up. Wiping the floor, she will find dirty socks. She'll remember she has to do laundry. When she puts the laundry in the washer, she'll trip over boots and bump into the freezer. Bumping into the freezer will remind ...her... she has to plan supper. She will get out a pound of hamburger. She'll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With A Pound Of Hamburger.) The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail. She will see the phone bill, which is due tomorrow. She will look for her checkbook. The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two-year-old. She'll smell something funny. She'll change the two-year-old. While she is changing the two-year-old the phone will ring. Her five-year-old will answer and hang up. She'll remember that she wants to phone a friend to come for coffee. Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup. She will pour herself some. And chances are, if she has a cup of coffee, her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

This has been circulating for a week or so on FB - I enjoyed it :)

Of course it is adapted from If you give a Mouse a Cookie - a beloved children's book we love.

We have been reading books we got from Sonlight for the kids - and I am finding myself enjoying them as much as the kids!

Dying to Self

2012-01-06T13:01:00.000-08:00

Boy - when I first heard this list, it was appealing to me theoretically . . . idealistically. Now I find myself in the thick of really applying it. Kind of like learning about submission in Home Ec. classes in college . . . I would sit there and think dreamily "I can't wait to have my own husband to submit to . . . I won't be confused about what I'm suppose to do anymore, I'll just happily submit to my husband." Ha ha, now I am married. To a sinner. Whom I disagree with on occasion. And have to submit to. HAPPILY :) I love my husband dearly; I trust his judgement, I love the direction he is going in, and leading us in, and the idea of submission is still as beautiful a thought to me as it was in college - but is impossible for me to do in my own strength. As is dying to myself.

I am in the fire.

It is painful.

But I am thankful.

DYING TO SELF
When you are forgotten, or neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you sting and hurt with the insult or the oversight, but your heart is happy, being counted worthy to suffer for Christ.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinions ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart, or even defend yourself, but take in all in patient, loving silence.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any impunctuality, or any annoyance; when you stand face-to- face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility-and endure it as Jesus endured.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you are content with any food, any offering, any climate, any society, any raiment, any interruption by the will of God.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation, or to record your own good works, or itch after commendations, when you can truly love to be unknown.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and in desperate circumstances.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart.
THAT IS DYING TO SELF
Are you dead yet? In these last days, the Spirit would bring us to the cross.
"That I may know Him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death." Phil.3:10

Precious Moments :)

2012-01-05T21:58:00.000-08:00

I was in the kitchen trimming green beans - and heard Lili talking away in a very "teachery" tone of voice . . . when I looked up I realized she was reading the Bible to Malachi - who very surprisingly had been sitting contentedly for awhile listening, and continued to listen for awhile after I turned off the camera :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDAH PAUL - you are TWO!!

2011-11-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

to be continued . . . .

Choices

2011-10-16T21:04:00.001-07:00

Choices.

We all make them.

We all make lots of choices every day . . . . big, small, important, not so important, dumb, informed, uninformed . . . . thoughtful, impulsive . . . actually every moment of the day we have to make choices.

After I posted this picture on Facebook, I realized Lili was in her jammies . . . we all were, and we are in the thick of making applesauce. Sometimes, with a family of 8, we choose to do big job instead of getting dressed it appears. I'm not a good planner - most of my stuff comes together last minute most of the time - because the only thing that is predictable in a big family is it's unpredictability.

We've been in our jammies a lot lately. It saves on laundry, but I am realizing that I don't like the feeling of not being able to throw on some shoes at a moments notice to take advantage of a brief window of sunshine.

This started me thinking a lot about choices . . . my choices.

Kind of makes me uncomfortable. The "How do you eat an elephant?" kind of . . . anxiety?

Judah Vacuuming

2011-09-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

Cousin Chloe came over for a playdate with the girls - and Judah was CLEARLY outnumbered :) He followed me around the house "helping." He has always loved the vacuum cleaner, and while I was vacuuming he was pulling on my pantleg with one hand, and with the other rubbing his chest and screaming (to be heard above the vacuum) "peeeeeeeeeeeeaaase!" - It took a minute to realize that he wanted to vacuum, on his own, without my help ;)

Malachi laughing

2011-09-30T10:56:00.000-07:00

When he FIRST started doing this - I whipped out my camera and video'd about a minutes worth of him belly laughing - only to realize that I wasn't recording it. So I recorded this - and of course - it just wasn't the same - just not as enthusiastic :( But still cute!

Maddie Sings Books of the Bible Songs

2011-09-29T13:54:00.000-07:00

Just want this for the future - so cute how she pronounces things right now. She is getting better and better everyday - which I am thankful for - but my baby is growing up :(

Introducing Shelby

2011-09-21T13:17:00.001-07:00

Uggh - as if I NEED one, here is my rationale for ANOTHER cat ;)

Jeremy and I have been talking about whether or not we were going to get another cat ever since we've had Naughty. My BIGGEST reason: so that when we travel - poor Naughty has a companion at home while we are away - and isn't depressed while we are gone, and mad when we get back.

We went back and forth, back and forth. We've had experiences with adopted cats that weren't good - even though most of the people I know have successfully adopted cats . . . it's never gone well for us. I researched and researched cat temperaments and kept coming up with Ragdolls for their gentleness, tolerance of kids, dog-like trainability and traits. We got Naughty through a breeder. My husband got him for me for last years birthday, Mother's day, and Christmas :) WE LOVE HIM TO BITS AND PIECES. He is definately the most interesting, sweetest, funniest cat I have ever known! So good with the kids too - he loves them to pieces too, and doesn't mind them picking him up and carrying him around all of the time :)

We came to a stand-still on getting another cat because my sweet husband didn't want to chance getting one from a shelter or adopting again - he was NOT going to settle for anything but another one from the breeder we got Naughty from. I didn't want to spend that kind of money again, and tried to talk him into looking for a kitten that was born and brought up in a home with animals and children - we'd have a better chance. So, we waited.

We went to Idaho this year, and while we had dear friends of ours come over and shower him with love - they went above and beyond and stayed a few hours and watched a movie so they could spend time with Naughty (they understand - they are cat people too ;) - we could tell Naughty was upset - and meowing through the nights etc. I thought - THIS is why MOST people get more than one cat I bet. Growing up we always had more than one cat.

I talked to Jeremy about it again - and he was still determined he wouldn't settle, and looked up our breeders again . . . and fell in love with Shelby. Thankfully the breeders gave us a discount for a second pet :) and we brought Shelby home last weekend.

They are taking their time getting to know each other. She never seemed afraid of Naughty - but she growled and hissed when he got a little too close or too rough. They are busy ironing out their differences though - and I have seen enough of them trying to get along - that I believe all will be well soon. Naughty is only 1 year old, and still a big kitten - his play is a bit more rough than she is use to. He is intense about her - and super mad at me and Jeremy - but he's warming back up - and giving Shelby room and time to get use to us.

So Shelby is my next years Christmas, Mother's Day and Birthday present. What a sweet hubby I have :)

Idaho Summer 2011 and New Stuff

2011-09-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

It always seems like my kids do new things at Mom & Dad Lazenby's in Idaho. This time it was:

Judah - started talking in legible sentences: "Mom, whas dat noise?" when he heard the water pump go on downstairs. I just did a double take . . . "Wha???" - he said "whas dat noise?" LOL and he squealed with delight at my explanation!

He also came up to me saying "MOM!!! I BOOOOOOP, I TINKY" Sure enough - when I looked in his diaper - he was telling me he soiled his diaper - and didn't like it! I think I freaked him out a little bit when I squealed in delight and clapped and scooped him up to tell him how proud I was of him!

Malachi - started cooing . . . . A LOT . . . and grabbing his toy that hangs above him and brought it to his mouth and chewed on it. I cracked up realizing that it is JUST as exciting with the fourth kiddo as the first to see them do new things.

I haven't downloaded pictures yet . . hope to soon :) Just wanted to record this . . . :) you know, before I forget.

Old photos

2011-08-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Every once in awhile - I attempt to attack the photo situation . . . and it usually doesn't end well - I purge a number of pictures and throw the remainders in a box. I think I've purged a number of times, and have left what I think I'd like to keep, and started to realize that I really ought to find a way to restore or preserve pictures that are almost ruined - polaroids that crackle, other photos that scratch easily etc. I posted a few oldies, it's fun to look through old pictures and see our kids in them. I have one of Jeremy at Judah's age - and he looks JUST like him - but I am unable to scan it right now - it is "glued" to a keepsake book - and I don't know how to edit it yet and don't have time to figure it out one day. We are going to Idaho this week sometime - and I want to make a point to look at more of Jeremy's baby photos and ask his mom if I may borrow a few to scan. So all I have now are ones of me. I see strong resemblences to me in most of the kiddos - but this one looks JUST LIKE Maddie - it is amazing. I mostly want to preserve the photos for them so that they have some way of seeing a little bit of my varied past :)

I think I'm about 3 or 4 here.

More on Prayer

2011-08-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

Pray for Your Kids on Raising Homemakers Blog. Found this to be encouraging as well.

Train them to a habit of prayer. JC Ryle

2011-08-09T13:06:00.000-07:00

How many times have we slumped down with the dejected conclusion that "all I can do is pray I guess."? Too many to count in my case. Listen to JC Ryle's admonition to train our children in the habit of prayer from his book The Duties of Parents:

6. Train them to a habit of prayer.

Prayer is the very life-breath of true religion. It is one of the first evidences that a man is born again. "Behold," said the Lord of Saul, in the day he sent Ananias to him, "Behold, he prayeth" (Acts 9:11). He had begun to pray, and that was proof enough.

Prayer was the distinguishing mark of the Lord’s people in the day that there began to be a separation between them and the world. "Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord" (Gen. 4:26).

Prayer is the peculiarity of all real Christians now. They pray, — for they tell God their wants, their feelings, their desires, their fears; and mean what they say. The nominal Christian may repeat prayers, and good prayers too, but he goes no further.

Prayer is the turning-point in a man’s soul. Our ministry is unprofitable, and our labour is vain, till you are brought to your knees. Till then, we have no hope about you.

Prayer is one great secret of spiritual prosperity. When there is much private communion with God, your soul will grow like the grass after rain; when there is little, all will be at a standstill, you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing Christian, a going forward Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing Christian, and sure am I, he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks much, and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows how to act.

Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty, and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it is the cry He has promised always to attend to, even as a loving mother to the voice of her child.

Prayer is the simplest means that man can use in coming to God. It is within reach of all, — the sick, the aged, the infirm, the paralytic, the blind, the poor, the unlearned, — all can pray. It avails you nothing to plead want of memory, and want of learning, and want of books, and want of scholarship in this matter. So long as you have a tongue to tell your soul’s state, you may and ought to pray. Those words, "Ye have not, because ye ask not" (Jas. 4:2), will be a fearful condemnation to many in the day of judgment.

Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to a habit of prayer. Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, at any rate, if they never call on the name of the Lord. This, remember, is the first step in religion which a child is able to take. Long before he can read, you can teach him to kneel by his mother’s side, and repeat the simple words of prayer and praise which she puts in his mouth. And as the first steps in any undertaking are always the most important, so is the manner in which your children’s prayers are prayed, a point which deserves your closest attention. Few seem to know how much depends on this. You must beware lest they get into a way of saying them in a hasty, careless, and irreverent manner.

You must beware of giving up the oversight of this matter to servants and nurses, or of trusting too much to your children doing it when left to themselves. I cannot praise that mother who never looks after this most important part of her child’s daily life herself. Surely if there be any habit which your own hand and eye should help in forming, it is the habit of prayer. Believe me, if you never hear your children pray yourself, you are much to blame. You are little wiser than the bird described in Job, "which leaveth her eggs in the earth, and warmeth them in the dust, and forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them. She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear" (Job 39:14-16).

Prayer is, of all habits, the one which we recollect the longest. Many a grey- headed man could tell you how his mother used to make him pray in the days of his childhood. Other things have passed away from his mind perhaps. The church where he was taken to worship, the minister whom he heard preach, the companions who used to play with him, — all these, it may be, have passed from his memory, and left no mark behind. But you will often find it is far different with his first prayers. He will often be able to tell you where he knelt, and what he was taught to say, and even how his mother looked all the while. It will come up as fresh before his mind’s eye as if it was but yesterday.

Reader, if you love your children, I charge you, do not let the seed-time of a prayerful habit pass away unimproved. If you train your children to anything, train them, at least, to a habit of prayer.

Train your child to a knowledge of the Bible - JC Ryle

2011-07-26T12:52:00.000-07:00

I've been doing Bible hour with the girls in the mornings, and it has turned into sort of like a Sunday school lesson, with a lesson, song, activity, prayer etc. It has been a wonderful tool to teach them so many things at one time.

I was motivated to do this for two main reasons:

1. Because I plan on homeschooling, and wanted some sort of routine to start now, so that it won't be earth shattering to figure out a plan when schooling HAS to get done.

2. Reading J.C. Ryle's book THE DUTIES OF PARENTS (more like a pamphlet) was very convicting to me. Point 5:

5. Train your child to a knowledge of the Bible.

You cannot make your children love the Bible, I allow. None but the Holy Ghost can give us a heart to delight in the Word. But you can make your children acquainted with the Bible; and be sure they cannot be acquainted with that blessed book too soon, or too well.

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is the foundation of all clear views of religion. He that is well-grounded in it will not generally be found a waverer, and carried about by every wind of new doctrine. Any system of training which does not make a knowledge of Scripture the first thing is unsafe and unsound. You have need to be careful on this point just now, for the devil is abroad, and error abounds. Some are to be found amongst us who give the Church the honour due to Jesus Christ. Some are to be found who make the sacraments saviours and passports to eternal life. And some are to be found in like manner who honour a catechism more than the Bible, or fill the minds of their children with miserable little story-books, instead of the Scripture of truth. But if you love your children, let the simple Bible be everything in the training of their souls; and let all other books go down and take the second place. Care not so much for their being mighty in the catechism, as for their being mighty in the Scriptures. This is the training, believe me, that God will honour. The Psalmist says of Him, " Thou hast magnified Thy Word above all Thy name" (Ps. 138:2); and I think that He gives an especial blessing to all who try to magnify it among men.

See that your children read the Bible reverently. Train them to look on it, not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the Word of God, written by the Holy Ghost Himself, — all true, all profitable, and able to make us wise unto salvation, through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

See that they read it regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul’s daily food, — as a thing essential to their soul’s daily health. I know well you can not make this anything more than a form; but there is no telling the amount of sin which a mere form may indirectly restrain.

See that they read it all. You need not shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not fancy that the leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot understand. Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose.

Tell them of sin, its guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness: you will find they can comprehend something of this.

Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ, and His work for our salvation, — the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice, the intercession: you will discover there is something not beyond them in all this.

Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit in man’s heart, how He changes, and renews, and sanctifies, and purifies: you will soon see they can go along with you in some measure in this. In short, I suspect we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They see far more of these things than we suppose.^[3]

Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible, the whole Bible, even while they are young.

His point on prayer was also very convicting to me . . . and I have decided to try to make that book a monthly devotional - supplemental to reading God's Word of course :)

I have been using a kids story book Bible, and have found it difficult to find one I am super happy with. I wish there were a kids Bible that was just the Bible with good illustrations - then I realized it would be GINORMOUS! How about a book by book set? Well, I am not rigidly reading to them from the story book Bible, often I will read the story, then open my Bible and "fill in" where the story book Bible is deficient. We went over the plagues last week - and the story book Bible gave two pages to all ten plagues - INCLUDING the passover. So we took the whole week going over the plagues. I was tempted to do crafts, and realize that is also an area that I need to figure out. All I found online were cutesie crafts, for say - like the plague of frogs. All I found were cutesie frog crafts. I don't want to diminish the severity of the frogs by conditioning them to think there were all these cute frogs hopping around - who would mind that - right? I don't want them to treat the Bible as a fairy tale book - because it is not a book of fairy tales, and I don't want them to grow up with a trite, Veggie-tale view of God's Word. On the other hand - will a frog project help them to remember that it was one of the plagues - and is that sufficient for now for a 3 and 4 year old? I have to say, that I have found God's Word sufficient in even this. They are able to relay the Ten plagues without having done any crafts at all. So, year by year I will pray through how to fill in their understanding of God's Word in a way that does not distract from or diminish His Word.

This week we are going over the Ten Commandments. We have watched a kid cartoon series on the Ten Commandments, read the story book Bible, and are reading Exodus chapter 20 straight out of the Bible. They have been filling in on their own - and it is causing AMAZING conversations. Today for example I read out of:

(John MacArthur's A FAITH TO GROW ON BIBLE International Children's Bible)

"A person may sin against me and hate me. I will punish his children, even his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. But I will be very kind to thousands who love me and obey my commands." Ex. 20:5b-6

Lili exclaimed - "Well I love God and I am going to obey Him!"

I needed a moment after this, because I had a huge lump in my throat. "Out of the mouth of babes." Such a beautiful, child-like faith. I hope and pray that is the cry of her heart as long as she lives.

My sister-in-law also gave us the book "Hand Commandments" and we have been working out of that as well. The kids LOVE it - and it is helping them to remember the order of the Ten Commandments. What they CAN grasp is amazing. In fact, last week, Maddie had a balloon long after Lili's popped. Maddie came running in to tell on Lili for "Covering my bayoon!" [coveting] her balloon.

This has been an amazing time for all of us, I just don't know what kept me from starting it much sooner. Even Judah gets in to it, it is an opportunity for me to train him in the habit to practice self-control, and to reverence the Bible and prayer. It has been so incredible for my own heart. Teaching the Bible, and the purpose of the 10 Commandments is helping me to flesh out my own theology, as I try to give it to them at their level. They are NOT too little to understand these things. When we lie, we break the law. When we steal (for them it is from each other - and they totally get it, giving me examples and everything!), we break the law. When we covet, we break the . . . . we break GOD'S law. When we do not honor our mother and our father, we break God's law. Oh how I love God's law.

I almost didn't do Bible time this morning. I was tired, a little miserable (I think I am battling those post-partum hormones - my hair is falling out in loads, I feel great one moment, and despair the next). We finished lunch a little early - and Lili looked at me imploringly: "Mom, we forgot to do Bible time." I looked at her and felt ashamed, it is something they love, and look forward to every day. How long will THAT last? I told her she was right (broke the 9th commandment!)- even though she wasn't (I didn't forget). So we did Bible time right before naptime today, and I asked for their forgiveness for being cranky and ugly at them all morning. Of course they forgive so willingly, and Lili said "are you going to pray and ask for God to forgive you?" Of course I was. God redeemed our time this morning, and that is another reason I almost choked up at Lili's declaration of her love for God and her commitment to obey Him. I would have missed that if we hadn't done our Bible time.

Well, this has turned into a journal entry. Quite a long one at that. If you have made it this far, you are amazing!

If you are a mama without a routine, I encourage you to start one asap, you will be blessed. Get a copy of JC Ryle's THE DUTIES OF PARENTS, read it, soak it in. Supplement your Bible time with it.

God Bless!

Busy? Who? . . . . . Me? . . . .

2011-07-13T13:57:00.000-07:00

Busy is an understatement!

"Me time" non-existant . . . or near to . . .

This is a rare moment where all the kids are napping at the same time, and Jeremy is working until late - he won't be home until after the kids are in bed - and so the urgency to do things has lifted . . . a little. I know that at any moment one or more of the kids will come back to life, and I will again be whisked back in to reality :)

I am working on a schedule . . . things are changing rapidly, and I haven't always taken to the changes graciously - but I am learning.

Malachi still sleeps on and off through the day - but I have started to put him down at 1:00 with the bigger littles, and the next thing will be to have him nap at a consistent time in the morning, and so he'll eventually end up with his two main naps a day. He has been doing GREAT at night - only waking once /b/ 3 & 4am for a feeding, and then again at 6am. This is great accountability for me, and now I just need to get in to bed earlier at night - since that morning feeding seems to begin my days :) I weighed him on our scale yesterday - and it said that he is a whopping 16 lbs! He's a BIG baby! I use to tell Jer that I always wanted a big chunky baby . . . I just didn't realize at the time that they get that way through CONSTANT eating :) He is so precious . . . and am so beyond words happy that I get to be his momma. I have been battling some skin issues with him. I thought was just a bought of baby acne, has turned into something a little more. It seems to be related to a bit of cradle cap, which I am trying to keep on top of - but it is stubborn! He had it in his eyebrows, and on one of his ear lobes, and his chin and cheeks were rough with little bumps all over them. I've been messaging olive oil in his hair, and combing then washing it - and it seems he is losing some of his precious hair as well - SO SAD! His 2 month checkup is in two weeks . . . I hope to get a handle on it by then.

Judah - he is so adorable I can barely stand it. He is so super sweet to his little brother, running up to him and caressing him (not always very gently) and saying "Don't cwy." He is also ALL BOY, and is in to EVERYTHING, ALL. THE. TIME!! His favorite things to do is to push the vacuum cleaner, chew on the attachments, and plug in the cord. He is constantly doing things that make the blood drain out of me out of sheer horror . . . and he has taken many a tumble. On the fourth of July, he tumbled down the stairs from a deck to a rock landing . . . his top lip swelled unbelievably! I am thankful he didn't break a tooth or much worse! When I checked on him in the middle of the night - the poor kid looked beat up! He loves to be wherever I am, which I love of course . . . and often nearly causes us both a great fall when he sneaks up behind me, and I step backward not knowing he is there. He of all the kids laughs the most, and his laugh is just great, it makes me laugh to hear him laugh. He is also VERY willful, and we've been fighting a few battles with him that sometimes takes an hour to finish . . . but we KNOW we have to win - even when we feel like giving in for peace sake, we do NOT want to strengthen his will.

Lili amazes me at how smart she is, and what a quick study she is. I know I am going to have to challenge her more. I can't tell you how much she loves to help. For example - this morning I told them that I was starting them on chores with a chore chart . . . and she looked at her dad and screamed "CHORES!?!?!??!?!???" I LOVE CHORES!" hee hee. I am definately going to capitalize on that! She has a sweet, sweet heart towards all of her siblings, loves to help them, comfort them, play with them. She is what I hear is a typical first born - she likes to have her own way, and be the boss, and be the princess and makes Maddie be the prince, or she's the "good guy" and makes Maddie the "bad guy." She really remembers the things that we teach her during Bible time though - she is a voracious sponge . . . . and she remembers what we teach during correction times - and uses it with her younger sibs - its so fun and funny to watch - except it does make them mad most of the time! We are FINALLY training her to stay dry at night time . . . poor girl is struggling because she is as she always has been since she was born - a very deep sleeper.

Maddie - she is an interesting one. She is NOT a good sleeper, she has a very intense little personality - which also in turn makes her very conscientious about things, like wetting the bed. She is doing GREAT in that department - and has been wearing her big girl undies to ni-night. She can be very self-motivated, and content to play by herself - but most of the time she follows Lili around wanting to do the exact same things WITH the exact same things she is . . . there is a LOT of bickering these days . . . lots of training, lots of HYSTERICAL laughing at and with her reasonings. She doesn't get to sleep for a LONG time, and when she does wake up - it's hard - it's best to kind of stay out of her way for at least 20 minutes while she gets her bearings - otherwise it may trigger an hour or two of whiny, angry 'tude from her. She has only asked to hold Malachi a few times, she seems content to watch him, and rock him, and tell on him for crying for now. We realize that we often expect more out of her because she seems as old as Lili, and we are trying to be more careful of that. She loves to climb up in our laps, and "hole you" (hold us). She makes us laugh a lot.

Well, Austin and Justin are not with us right now - but they are so good with their little siblings. Their mom and step-dad just recently bought a house, and they now have their own rooms. Exciting for them - I can imagine - but when they are here, we are squeezed in like sardines, but they seem to handle it very well. They genuinely seem to love being here, and love their siblings. We see them take great strides in playing with them - on their level. This comes naturally for Justin - the kids ADORE him as he role plays whoever they want him to be "Lately it's Jacob - and I am not sure what his role is - but they will call him Jacob during the entire weekend they are here. Austin will play with them at times - but takes his role as big brother very seriously at the same time. He likes being in charge, and sometimes can't understand why they don't follow ;) We ask for wisdom in helping him to learn that "He who desires to be first, must be servant of all." We all look forward to when they come back to us - and they will be back this weekend.

Well, I wonder if I can snag a 20 minute snooze . . . everyone seems to have fallen asleep today - AMAZING - it seems on cold rainy days - the kids sleep better.

Will try to write more soon - at least give a Malachi 2 month update. :)

Thanks for stopping by!

First (caught) smile!!!!

2011-06-27T10:37:00.000-07:00

WOW!

2011-06-23T20:10:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has ever met Austin and seen him with his dad - they always comment on how much he looks like his daddy - referring to Austin as Jeremy's little "Mini-me" . . . .

Here is Austin (who is now 11 almost 12 years old) . . .

Here is Malachi . . . .
Is it just me - or is there a super strong resemblence? I just showed these two photos side by side to Jeremy and asked him - he sees it too . . . what do you think? Jeremy's first and last born are little mini-me's :)

Malachi's first video :)

2011-06-06T13:08:00.000-07:00

Here is the first video of Malachi. What a sweet hubby I have! Malachi - by far - has the most heart-wrenching cry of all my kiddos . . . . - he still does - that is before he gets mad! :) I hadn't even seen him yet - I was still in surgery when Jeremy took this - so he's just around 15-30 minutes old here :)

Although he has been keeping us up all night for the last two nights - we are cherishing every moment with him - and he is changing already!

Our help has gone home, Jeremy is back to work, and my time at home with the kids has been harried to say the least . . . compounded by lingering soreness from the surgery. But I do feel so thankful, and so blessed to have my my family. I am overwhelmed daily by the complexities of personalities, all of our sin all over the place, the fact that I know I will fully recover (by God's grace) but that it is taking longer than I would like, how to disciple this host of children, all of it is pressing me into prayer moment by moment. I feel like I don't even get what is going on half the time until it has passed . . .

So, for now - I am desperate for any free moment to read God's Word, trying to get back in the saddle with meal planning and prep, tackling the daily mountains of laundry, . . . I am so thankful for a hard working, selfless husband though - I don't know what I would do without him. He comes home from work, and rolls up his sleeves and jumps right in doing some undone task, taking care of kiddos, serving me . . . . and during the nights, when I have fed, changed, burped and laid Malachi back down, he's the one who gets up to rock, hold, comfort him so that I can rest . . . he is amazing . . .

As I write, Lili and Maddie are talking, singing and playing in their room while they are suppose to be napping, Judah is protesting his nap in his room . . . although he'll give in soon . . . and Malachi is wide eyed and content on my bed . . . because it is when I would LIKE to lay down and rest . . . LOL

God is good, and is teaching me much moment by moment . . .

Malachi's first week

2011-05-21T13:28:00.000-07:00

Welcome home to our precious reward Malachi. He is the cutest, fuzziest, sweetest, chubbiest baby in our family :) I decided not to share the details of the STORY this time - I know so many expectant mommy's out there - especially first timers, and I don't want to contribute to any anxiety regarding the birth process :) It is harder for some momma's than others - and most of the stories I get to hear in mommy circles are more "normal." I promise :) (Kelly) :)

Generally I'll say that I went in for my 37 week checkup, and realized that I was experiencing prodromal labor again (as with Lili), and because of all the contractions over the month, was getting checked on a regular basis. There was "cervical change" - so the doctor said we would go ahead with the delivery that evening. We were relieved, and went home to try to "rest up" for the big day. Of course - we couldn't rest at all for excitement! Dr. said to be at the hospital at 3pm for a 5pm delivery. So, from 3-5pm they prepped me for surgery, starting IV's, questionnaires, interviews with different specialists, and waiting . . . .

At 4:45 I was wheeled into the OR to prep for the spinal, and the Lord answered prayer in the affirmative: they have a policy that no one is allowed in the OR except your husband, and only after the "spinal" - my least favorite part. I requested for Jeremy to be in there for the spinal this time for different reasons. I must have been convincing, because the anesthesiologist said that would be fine - and I am super glad that he said yes this time especially :) The spinal didn't take - EEEKS (that's a first out of 4). So rather than taking chances with spinal dosages (very risky) - the safest option was to put me to sleep for the procedure.

All I remember upon waking was seeing Jeremy's excited face and hearing him say "8 pounds 13 ounces." He said I asked him about 10 times the same question as I was coming to. I don't remember it, don't remember much, but I probably asked because I couldn't believe it - 3 weeks early and my biggest baby . . . none of the others were over 6 pounds! What IF I had gone another week or two!?? 10 lbs ?? No WONDER!!! No wonder I was feeling EXCEPTIONALLY large at the end. THEN I saw all his HAIR!!! SO SWEET! I couldn't believe it! The rest of my kiddos had very little hair for the first whole year of their lives.

He is perfectly healthy - we watched his sugar for the first few feedings, but he was just fine.

Usually we have to rent a pump upon leaving the hospital because my milk doesn't usually come in for up to a week. Malachi latched on perfectly right away - and my milk came in right away! So, I can testify that not only is every woman different, and every woman's pregnancy, labor and delivery experiences are different, but every single pregnancy, every labor and delivery is different. I had different cravings for each child, experienced some difficulties in one or a couple of pregnancies - but not all (ie carpal tunnel (only with Lili), abruption, gestational diabetes, tailbone pain or pelvic floor pain - to different degrees, etc.) I went into this pregnancy thinking so many of the complications I would have were unavoidable (the gestational diabetes, bed-rest for one reason or another, abruption, or whatever . . .)

My heart is overflowing with praise, and gratitude to the Lord for Malachi, and all the blessings He has bestowed on us through him: didn't need a pump, every step along the way wasn't as bad as it could have been, and nowhere near what I expected.

Recovery is taking a long time . . . . it's been pretty rough. I think mostly having to do with very little sleep (I think I only slept a total of 5 hours my entire stay in the hospital - which in turn makes the pain a little harder to manage :( I am nodding off as I type :) and have writing a bit, saving it etc. for the last couple of days :) Enjoy these pics of the kids. Jer has all of the "FIRST" photos on his iPhone . . . hope to get those soon - and will post them as soon as I can.

I had to take this picture through the glass on his bed . . . SUCH a bummer - but I ADORE these pictures the babe folds his/her hands up under his/her head - so serene :)
Our FAVORITE Dr. EVER!! I am going to print this for his "wall of fame" - there are hundreds of pictures like this on his walls in the office.
Going Home.

Mama Prays

2011-05-05T07:55:00.000-07:00

Lyrics to Mama Prays :

My memories of my brothers and me
Make me marvel at the way the years went by
Here we are, how'd we ever get this far?
I wonder how, and I wonder why
Then I recall what these boys often saw
When we would stop to look in Mom and Daddy's door
They'd bow their heads while they knelt beside their bed
And we could hear them lift our names before the Lord

(Chorus)
Mama prayed and Jesus stood beside us
Dady prayed and the devil had to run
God looked down, and His angels guarded through the harder days
'Cause Mama prayed and Daddy prayed

Now the boys are grown raising boys of their own
In a world a little darker than before
But the prayers go on every night and every dawn
'Cause they still bow and lift our names before the Lord

Mama prays and Jesus stands beside us
Daddy prays and the devil has to run
God looks down and His angels guard us through the harder days
'Cause Mama prays and Daddy prays

Mama prays and Jesus stands beside me
Daddy prays and the devil has to run
God looks down and His angels guard me through the harder days
'Cause Mama prays and Daddy prays

And Jesus stands beside me
Mama prays and the devil has to run
God looks down and His angels guard me through the harder days
'Cause Mama prays and Daddy prays
Mama prays
And Daddy prays
Mama prays

BY CHRIS RICE

35 Weeks - In the home S-T-R-E-T-C-H

2011-04-30T15:16:00.001-07:00

This is mostly for my benefit :) To "journal" and look back later.

Last Monday I went in for contractions that were pretty intense from about 3am that morning until about 7:45am - coming closer together and harder - oh the memories. We thought we should make a call - since my babies have come earlier and earlier, and of course they wanted us to come right in. Well, they wanted me to go to labor and delivery in the hospital . . . but with our insurance changing - we weren't wanting to spend $100 to find out perhaps we weren't actually in labor, and asked if we could PLEEEEEASE see our doctor, or a doctor in the office. Of course by the time we got there - the contractions eased up quite a bit - although I still was contracting 2-3 times an hour throughout that, and the next day.

So Jer had to call in to work and schlepp ALL the kids in with us . . . it's a challenge squeezing us all into a little doctor's office :) The doctor checked my cervix which hadn't changed since my appt. the week before - when I told me that I was about 50% effaced, and that he could fit a fingertip into the cervix (I am sure no men are reading this . . . )LOL. So we went home - and the doc said to just lay low for the rest of the day if possible - and not do much. HA - we have three kids 4 and under at home - so that's pretty much impossible . . . so Jer took the day off :)

I am getting anxious for the end, but we don't want any lengthier of a stay than necessary for Malachi in the NICU, so we're lying low - have asked for some help with meals and such. Our church has been such a blessing. 36 weeks is considered full term - so we're just hoping that we can hang in there for one more week at least - after that, I won't worry about pushing myself a little harder around the house :) We are so excited to meet this little man!

I am still a little nervous about the c-section part . . .and trying not to think about it. I asked my doctor if there was ANY way they would let Jeremy in for the prep in the OR - i.e. putting in the spinal. They always have him stand outside until they get the spinal in, and are ready to operate. My doctor holds my hand through that nerve wracking and risky procedure - and as much as I love my doctor, I'd prefer to hold Jer's hand, and be comforted by his presence. I was so excited when he said that I could ask the anesthesiologist when the time comes, and that it just depends on who I get.

Please pray for this for us - it is a little thing, but as this pregnancy draws to an end, and the reality is kicking in that this is our last baby, nostalgia is also kicking in - and I want to remember everything I can, and just have my husband there with me this time if at all possible :)

Still contracting 2-3 times an hour now - and have been all week. Hanging in there - and excited we are going to meet Malachi very soon!

PTL~

Week 33 & will I pass this test?

2011-04-17T11:54:00.000-07:00

According to Baby Center.com - "This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening . . . "

Please overlook all the gramatical, punctuation, spelling, and articulating errors - there are MANY to be sure ;)

We are in the home stretch! Which is always somehow the hardest . . . being so huge makes everything more challenging, fatigued . . . so incredibly tired . . . and for me and a number of other women that I know - the round ligament pain, pelvic issues, tailbone/sciatic nerve pain, pubic bone pain (no way to describe this except to say it feel like you are going to crack open with every step) and just feeling like your whole pelvic girdle is literally on fire . . . makes every waking moment a battle for joy, a war to count my blessings, and nearly impossible to keep your eye on the goal, on the reward at the end of this trial . . .

There are days where I just CANNOT bear my husband coming home to a frazzled, unkempt, pajama clad wife and children yet again . . . today is one of those days. I am paying for my efforts (he made a costco run as we are home sick from church today :( While I was getting dressed, having my right leg nearly giving out a number of times from just standing in one spot too long - or not "just right" and near to tears . . . I was thinking, "Crystal! GET A GRIP! It is all worth it in the end, think of holding and nursing little Malachi . . ." Then those cartoon devil and angels were on my shoulders - so to speak - the devil laughing "is it really? Wouldn't it feel good to just scratch this itch of self-pity and wallow in it for the rest of the day? Afterall - YOU are the pregnant one here, carrying an extra 30 some lbs already, YOU didn't sleep last night . . . YOU are in so much pain etc. etc." My "angel" (or should I say the Holy Spirit) :) reminding me that this is my FOURTH pregnancy, and up until now, I have always taken the route of feeling sorry for myself, and making excuses for being grumpy, impatient, and even saying "Once I am not pregnant anymore, I will be more patient, joyful, and selfless . . . "

REALLY? Isn't THIS EXACTLY the school in which these things are learned? I want to wait until the trial is PASSED, to learn things things in theory rather than in reality?

As I sit here allowing my sweet, hard-working husband to take over the care of the kids because I can't move . . . so many sermons, so many Bible passages, so many good things that I have read in books are swirling around in my fuzzy pregnancy brain . . . the part of the curse about childbearing being compounded by pain, the many, MANY godly women in the Bible who were unable to bear children and bearing the shame and stigma for years and years (i.e. Sarah, Hannah, Rachel etc.) until the Lord heard their cries and opened their wombs; of the many friends now, who long for children and are unable to bear them, for the long, often heart-wrenching and expensive process of adoption, who would give anything to go through even what I am going through or more just to have children; of a pastor I've been reading about who takes every opportunity to cherish his wife, because he has no guarantee of a tomorrow, or a next year . . . and does not want to have regret if she should pass before him (the realization that I may not have an after-pregnancy opportunity to "learn to rejoice in the midst of trial." I think of people who live with chronic pain, chronic nausea, with no medical explanation even after years and years, of families who are losing loved ones to cancer - and of the beautiful grace, dignity and joy those suffering with cancer are exhibiting - in the face of leaving young children, family and loved ones behind - and not being able to watch them marry or bear children . . . "

I don't know what my point is, other than this being my journal today, and saying out loud, that this is more than likely my last pregnancy, and my last opportunity to learn to rejoice in the midst of this type of trial (having lots of little children to disciple, and chase everyday) . . . and I want to pass this time . . . . :) I want my daughters - who copy every attitude, every facial expression, everything I do - to see that I can rejoice even when I hurt - the very things I am trying to teach them. That I can speak kindly to everyone even when I am miserable. That I can count my blessings, and be thankful (genuinely) for the things I have rather than focusing on the hardships, and the things I can't wait to end . . . that I can be honest "honey - we can't go for a walk on this rare and georgeous sunny day in Oregon, because mommy is hurting, but Lord willing - we can go for lots of walks once Malachi gets here :)."

So, for those of you who love our family, and pray for us :) here are this weeks prayer requests:

1. For strength and endurance for my hard-working husband - who rarely sits or lounges (he comes home from work and just rolls ups his sleeves and does whatever I couldn't get done during the day - and takes over dinner most days, and care for the children for the evening - bed times etc.). He reprimands me for trying to do too much on a regular basis - because I desperately want to do as much as I can - but OFTEN pay for it because if I push myself too hard - I have to sit and then do NOTHING at all so that I can at least do the basics the next day (and making his job harder). He left work early twice last week because I could NOT even change Judah's diaper without excruciating pain . . . we are near the end though. While it is hard to watch him, it is such a blessing to watch him growing in grace, and to tangibly see his love for me/us. He is amazing, and I do not deserve him.

2. Help to know my limits - when I am feeling strong and energetic, I often over-do - repeating the cycle that my husband pays the price for :( That I would count my blessings, and rejoice in the midst of trial - there is after all - and end in sight . . . and I have this tempation to give way to creeping anxiety about the whole c-section and recovery . . . I am more fearful of it than in other pregnancies for some reason, thinking about the moment I walk into the OR, getting the spinal (always nerve-wracking, and painful), to the recovery room while doctor's are switching meds off the spinal to regular anti-inflammatory and pain meds that ALWAYS make me loopy - I am not myself for days on those meds, to the getting up within 24 hours of having the surgery to go to the bathroom . . . it's true - you DO forget about it all soon enough . . . and again, this is the last time . . . but it is oh so NUTS going through it again. I ALWAYS feel like the incision is going to rip open during that first journey to the bathroom, getting through the first shower . . . it's NUTS! I truly want to find everything I can to savor during that time this time - as it is our last.

SO . . . if you've made it this far in reading this post - you deserve a PRIZE :) thanks for being interested, and for praying for us - we love you!

Maddie sings

2011-03-28T14:25:00.000-07:00

Lili sings her favorite "very special" song

2011-03-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

Check out that vibrato on her very last note!

Just love this kid!

2011-03-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

Judah's newborn video

2011-03-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

I don't think that we were prepared for Judah - so we didn't get any pictures of his birth on my camera - only our cell phones.

My phone died a couple of months ago, and I got Jeremy's phone - we just switched cards . . . . I didn't even realize he had these - and when I first watched them, and remembered that joyful, yet scary time, I welled up with tears . . . but then too, I am such a goob that if I ever watch those birthing stories on TLC - I cry EVERY single time I hear the baby cry. I wanted to upload them, and save them before I get another phone.

This first one shows him laboring a little too hard to breath. He was being monitored while I was getting all put back together after my cesarean.

Here is his first official bath - I so wish I could watch all this myself - but I am so thankful I have an awesome husband who gets to be there with him in his first moments, and takes pictures and videos for me.

Jer's Graduation from Reserve Academy & Misc. Catch-up

2011-03-03T20:54:00.000-08:00

Not taking too many pictures these days :( Life is SO hectic right now - even though it seems like I have to sit and "rest" often - life still seems so busy! Here is a little glimpse into our hectic life :)

We had A snow day! This is a shot from the front door. It's so funny to me, having grown up in the snow belt in upstate NY - where snow is just a part of life, that when we get a dusting of snow - schools close down, businesses close their doors . . . but that has more to do with ice, and the fact that upstate NY is much better equipped to deal with snow because they have so much of it every year. The boys got a snow day - and got to play in it for a couple of hours with their cousins for a couple of hours before it all melted away - by like 3pm!
Not really sure why Judah was so upset here - I think he wanted Maddie to pay attention to him, and it was funny to me that as Maddie was waiting for Lili to finish going potty so she could go - put her undies on her head while she waited - and admired the snow ;)
We got the girls their OWN doctor's kits with a little bit of Christmas money they were given, and they are OBSESSED with doctoring us all . .
I started the curriculum "Learn your letters learn to serve" - you can find the link to that on "Heavenly Homemaker" link on the right . . . this was a printout I found online actually - learning the letter A. We are having to put a hold on "school" right now - as I am just slowing WAAAAAAAAAY down in the things that I am able to do.

Their binders for their school work :)
Poor guy has so many terrible diaper rashes, that you can often find him walking around in his birthday suit - or partial birthday suit.
Such a big boy - wanted popcorn too while we watched a movie - look how happy he is to be a big boy!
Teething. Period.
Naughty wishing he could catch the snowflakes. They actually looked HUMONGOUS in real life.
Whenever the boys aren't wrestling, and you don't know where they are - they are usually in their room building with their legos. The girls are in to it too :)
JEREMY GRADUATES RESERVE ACADEMY! FINALLY!!!!

These two guys are from Forest Grove PD - :) There were about 11 police departments represented.
It was a fun ceremony - with the bagpipes, and Marines - the flag dudes . . . it was impressive.
Graduation STARTED at Judah's bedtime - so we opted to take him in his jammies just in case . . . BUT, when he is tired, he gets wirey - not sleepy and cuddly - so I had a VERY hard time paying attention to the actual ceremony. But look at those hunky blue eyes :)
THIS is why the girls love their Justin - he's still a little kid at heart. Maddie is intensely trying to zip him up :)
Hey truly enjoys it.
This is the ONLY picture I have of him clearly in his uniform - and I think on the boys took it - but he is still handsome :)

What can be more difficult than this?

2011-02-15T15:28:00.000-08:00

You know those weeks when you get phone call after phone call of "bad" news - this has been one of those weeks for our family. My sister-in-law forwarded this devotional today, and it has been so wonderfully heartening. Blessings to you dear reader, if you are in Christ.

What can be more difficult than this?

(James Smith, "Nothing Impossible" 1861)

"For with God, nothing shall be impossible!" Luke 1:37

Difficulties often crowd the believer's path, and trials line his way.Obstacles and opposition meet him at almost every turn. What to do at times--he scarcely knows, for he has been disappointed so often, and is now so completely baffled--that his way is hedged up with thorns! Look whichever way he will, or to whatever quarter he may--there is something to discourage him, and cast him down!

It is of no use looking any way, or to any one--but to the Lord; and while looking to Him, it will be well to remember what the angel said to the blessed virgin, to excite and strengthen her faith, "For with God, nothing shall be impossible."

Look at the Fact. There are no impossibilities with God! Hecan do--as He will. He will do--all that He has promised. He has promised to do all that you can need or even wisely desire. In Mary's case, much faith was required--it was exercised and honored.

A virgin did bear a son.

That son was free from all taint of sin.

That son was divine.

That divine Son was the Savior of men.

What can be more difficult than this?

What should stagger us, after this?

Look at what God IS:
look at His power and grace,
look at His wisdom and wealth,
look at His pity and compassion,
look at His greatness and glory.

Look at what God has DONE:
in nature--by His power,
in providence--by His wisdom,
in redemption--by His grace.

And looking at what God is, and at what He has done--you must come to the conclusion, "With God, nothing is impossible!"

Let us use this fact for our own benefit. Nothing shall be impossible with God!
Not the conversion of that obstinate child.
Not that hardened husband.
Not that trying and degraded wife.
Not the restoration of that backslider--as low as he may have sunk, and far as he may have gone.
Not the pardon of those sins--as great, glaring, and numerous as they may be.
Not the sanctification of that trouble--as deep, trying, and dreadful as it is.
Not the bringing of the greatest good out of that worst evil--though it may have alarmed and terrified you.
Not the perfecting of the soul in holiness--as sinful and polluted as it is at present.

No, nothing is too hard for the Lord! Therefore cheer up, press on, take up your cross or burden afresh--and bear it after Jesus.

Let this precious truth, feed and strengthen your faith--that you may be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.

Let it excite and animate your hope--that you may expect great things from God.

Let it stimulate you in prayer--that you may ask largely of God, and ask with confidence too.

Let it crush your fears--that you may press boldly on, until you reach the mark, for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

Let it stir you up to exertion--for as nothing shall be impossible to God, so nothing shall be impossible to you, which you undertake with His sanction, and with a view to His glory.

Let it encourage and call forth praise--for how grateful and thankful we should be, that our God can do all things, and therefore will do for us, all that is necessary both in life and death.

Let us keep this sweet truth always in mind, and when cast down--chide our fears and excite our hopes, saying, "With God, nothing shall be impossible!"

http://www.gracegems.org/Grace_Gems.htm

Happy Anniversary my Beloved . . .

2011-02-11T07:05:00.000-08:00

We have been married 5 years!

What a journey! Most of which I have been with child :)

Looking back at the photos brings back many memories - of how the Lord moved us along towards marriage, the friends I inherited, and who all pulled together to create a cozy "down-home" wedding . . . the blessings and the trials in both our lives that knit Jeremy's and my hearts together . . . and now looking back, and counting our blessings; our cup OVERflows. Abundantly more than either of us could have asked for, or imagined.

One thing has remained constant in my husband, which attracted me to him in the very first place, and still causes me to go "weak in the knees." He follows hard after Christ. I pick on him for having an addiction to buying new Bibles and books - mostly heady theology books . . . .but he really does read them, which makes the money he plunks down for them so worth it :) We are still "learning" about each other, and have our share of trials, but consider each other our best friends. He serves me, and our family with an ever expanding love and selflessness that could only come from knowing Christ. He counsels me in the truth of God's Word always, pointing my gaze always to Christ no matter what I am facing, and for this, I love him more.

I could go on and on for all the specifics of why I respect, love, cherish, honor, admire and adore him, but I will reserve it for him :)

Thanks for stopping over to my blog, and for those of you who shared this day with us, and those who because of distance and/or other circumstances couldn't make it, we love you!

Judah Learning to stand and walk on his own!

2011-02-06T14:06:00.000-08:00

He did this all by himself over the weekend! We're all so proud of him, and so is he ;)

Lili Turns 4!!!

2011-02-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

When asked what she wanted for her birthday breakfast, the list in this order was: cake, cupcakes, cheeseburgers :) We had an everyday breakfast, and for lunch we took her to Five Guys burgers and fries - the BEST fast-food burger joint . . . EVER!!!

Lili's "chocklick" birthday cake - I have a LONG way to go with cake decorating - as you can see ;)

Lili's birthday gift from us was a bike! Not quite the princess one she'd hoped for - but she is excited it is purple and pink!

stinkin' cute!

IN CHRIST ALONE

2011-01-23T19:22:00.000-08:00

IN CHRIST ALONE

"In Christ Alone"
Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

www.gettymusic.com/hymns.aspx?id=88

Malachi John Lazenby

2011-01-21T13:50:00.000-08:00

Malachi John Lazenby

Malachi = "Messenger of God"

John = Disciple who was "loved of God"

& namesake of our favorite pastor/preacher EVER ~ John MacArthur

Malachi was a favorite name of ours back when we were pregnant with Maddie . . . she would have been Malachi Paul . . . but by the time Judah came along, I had read a blogpost that inspired me to name Judah, well, Judah :) Malachi got a little left in the dust . . . I had also gone to a "family reunion" of sorts, where I was informed that Malachi was a character in the gruesome movie "Children of the Corn" and it left a bad taste in my mouth. I've never seen the movie, and, well, Malachi the prophet preceded the horror flick - so we hope and pray that Malachi will indeed be a "Messenger of God." Jeremy made the final decision in both cases - for which I am thankful (Pregnancy brain = indecisiveness) :)

Our ultrasound was at the insane hour of 8am! Packing up three toddlers - who are all mildly sick with colds, to make it to the doctor at 8am - because of course - Jeremy wanted to see the little peanut :) was a little nuts. He was so sweet - he decided we'd make a morning of it. He took us all to one of my favorite breakfast spots - Noah's Bagels, and to grab a special coffee at our fave coffee kiosk - Coffee Rush, and then head to the doctor's. (I drank my 18oz of water at Noah's bagels - don't worry :) WOW - so we left at 6:30am - with the sleepy heads in the back - and it was still pitch black outside.

Noah's Bagels was quiet, but a frustrating experience - the early hour and pregnancy brain made it IMPOSSIBLE for me to articulate the order to the cashier - I kid you not - I stuttered and changed my mind at LEAST 6 times while ordering - and while Jeremy rolled his eyes and laughed at me :) We finally sat down to eat, and they gave me the wrong sandwich. I was sure that was the ONLY thing I articulated clearly because I get the same thing EVERY time I go there, and was the first thing I ordered. The lady who fixed the sandwiches didn't agree, and smiling in earnest, she assured me that when a certain type of bagel isn't requested, she always fixes the eggmit sandwich with a plain bagel. I didn't argue, I just smiled and said "Thank you for fixing the order ;)" I was determined to have the everything bagel with cheese, since this was a special morning - and a rare outing ;) Sorry Jeremy - I REALLY don't mean to embarrass you :)

We drove through the coffee kiosk, and the kind gentleman made small talk with Jeremy while the other Barista prepared our yummy treats, and he asked where we were off to so early. Jeremy told him, and he said "Ooooh BIG day for you!" We said yeah :) Then he heard the girls in the car and said - it's not your first huh? We said no, it's our sixth (even though this is my 4th biological - it takes too long to explain - but we always include Austin and Justin in our brood). Deflated he said - "Ah, so this is old hat to you then."

"Old hat" ?

NO. WAY!!!! Are you kidding me? Jeremy and I were JUST AS GIDDY as we were with the first :) I admit, I had a hard time in the beginning, accepting the pregnancy part, but we both love our children, and even wish we could have more - if it weren't so hard on my body.

It is amazing the way people respond to large families. Jeremy's co-workers either rib or deride him, saying incredibly condescending or offensive things at times . . . like "You two DO know how that happens don't you?"

Psalm 127:3 - "Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Every one of them incredibly, and amazingly unique.

PSALM 139

1 O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, you know it altogether. 5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or whereshall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. 11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," 12 even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. 13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. 17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! 18 If I would count them, they are more thanthe sand. I awake, and I am still with you. 19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me! 20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! 21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you? 22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies. 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

As deeply as I grappled with the aches and pains of pregnancy, is as deeply as I am rejoicing that the Lord has seen fit to bless us with another precious soul. May we rise up to the call to instruct Malachi . . . Austin, Justin, Liliana, Madeleine, and Judah, in righteousness . . . to live a worshipful life in front of them, to be enamored with You Lord, and to love You with all of our hearts, all of our souls, and all of our minds.

Thanks for reading my novel ;)

Maddie Recites her verses

2011-01-15T15:10:00.001-08:00

Maddie recites Ephesians 6:1-3 and Psalm 1 - in the ESV version if you need help to follow along :) Hint, her L's are still y's . . . eg: "that you may yivv yong in the yand." :)

I took one of Lili too, which I'll have to retake - too many distractions in that one - way more than in this one :)

Don't forget to vote . . . girl or boy!

What do you think?

2011-01-13T20:06:00.000-08:00

A girl - or a boy - please enter your thoughts in the poll on the right :)

And, if you have a minute, let me know in the comments what names you like.

Lord willing - we will announce both a week from today!

God Bless!

Merry Christmas

2010-12-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

We are in the busiest season I have known so far - compounded by relentless morning sickness (all day sickness here) - well, I shouldn't say relentless, I have a few days here and there of reprieve. I haven't made any Christmas cookies this year - everything is low key. I had hoped to do family pictures again for Christmas cards . . . not happening. Christmas cards are starting to trickle in, and I realize I haven't even thought about sending out cards this year :( So here is my Christmas card this year.

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a son is given . . . "

"And He shall save His people from their sins . . ."

Jesus was born, to die . . . what an amazing image. His purpose was live among men, a sinless life, to die for sinners like me. So, God treated Jesus on the cross as if HE committed every sin ever committed by everyone who believes in Him, so that He could treat us as if we had never done anything but the righteous deeds of His Son. "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." Ephesians 2:8

Borrowed from: http://www.imagevine.com/christmasbackgrounds.aspx

Merry Christmas,

Love,

the Lazenby's

Jeremy's swear in

2010-12-14T08:40:00.001-08:00

Last night was a big night for Jeremy and our family. He was sworn in as a reserve Police Officer for the City of Forest Grove. This is a step for us toward his becoming a full time police officer. They would have liked to have hired him on full-time, but had a couple of police officers from other cities / states who've already been through academy and training, and in this economy - we are thankful for the opportunity to get his foot in the door - though he still has to go to a part-time academy, and is away from home a lot right now. They assure him that it may only be a year or two that they will select from their reserve pool to fill a couple of full-time positions that will soon be open - due to retirement and promotion :) The reserve program is brand new to Forest Grove, and that is why Jeremy doesn't have his uniform yet. We are so excited for him, and proud of him. The boys handed his badge to him in a symbolic gesture (because he doesn't have his uniform to pin it on yet). For those of you who know us, and our situation, this is kind of a big deal for us to have the boys participate in something like this, and see their dad rewarded for his hard work :) What a busy season we are in! The morning sickness comes and goes, and I am thankful to have a day or two here and there where I feel energetic and motivated. By God's grace I was able to pull together a nice meal to celebrate Jeremy's big night, a TO-DIE-FOR roasted chicken dish that we just discovered and LOVE LOVE LOVE - will post that later :) Maddie potty trained in just TWO days - and is doing GREAT! We are so happy for our big girl - who turns 3 at the end of the month. Judah can now crawl up the stairs (EEEEEEEEEEEKKK!!!!! - I was NOT ready for that!), and is into everything! We have the boys all week - which makes our days fuller :) We are enjoying having them. Jeremy's Birthday is next week, and then we pack up for Christmas in Idaho. FEWF! So, this coffee break while the girls watch Word World is drawing to an end . . . lots to do today! God Bless and thanks for checking in!

I forgot I have to select my pictures backwards for them to appear the right way on the blog - sheesh. This is AFTER the ceremony - the police dept. had cake and ice cream for the new officers - I got to meet some of the wives, and other officers. They were very nice!
Justin playing with the badge :)
The boys handing their dad his badge.
Jeremy's swear-in, and I think this means I need a new camera . . . . I lost a lot of memorable moments because my camera just wouldn't snap the picture - and then when it did - it was blurry or after the fact. :(

Jeremy's "Bio" for his Swear In from Crystal Lazenby on Vimeo.

The video for the actual swear-in didn't turn out - but his biography part did. And yes, we were the only family there with 5 children! There was ONE other 18 month old girl :)

Nourishing Traditions

2010-12-10T13:06:00.001-08:00

This book just got delivered to my doorstep - and I am SO EXCITED to start it! I have heard about this book for awhile - and it is nearly impossible to get it from the library - I was on the longest wait list, and when I tried to renew it - someone had already requested to hold it . . . . I was able to browse it enough to know that it is a MUST HAVE for our home! Besides - who has time to read when you have 3 busy kids, the oldest ANXIOUS to learn anything and everything as fast as she possibly can, the middle one potty training, and the littlest one crawling, and into EVERYTHING . . . . . ALL.THE.TIME! :) So, I am looking forward to little nuggets of time to learn about fats, proteins, processed foods, whole foods, menus, recipes, so that I can better care for my family's health :) FUN!

Judah and Cat Playing

2010-12-07T20:37:00.000-08:00

So let me set this video up for you . . . I never encourage Judah to maul the cat - he usually just puts his head on the cat's soft fur . . . and usually obeys when I tell him gentle :) The cat instigates this kind of play with Judah ALL THE TIME - in fact, sometimes stalks Judah (who is OBLIVIOUS) and pounces on him and then runs away - and Judah has no idea what even happened! LOL These two have so much fun together - and this cat is NOT declawed! He has never left a mark on little Judah boy - not even the slightest little scratch.

So, no one got hurt in this video :) and I was super bummed when I realized that I had stopped the video before you got to see the pounce! Naughty was in the midst of a pounce when I turned it off!

Also - Judah entertains us constantly with that little boogy he does - to any music that is playing - even the leap frog toys :) So cute! enjoy!

Happy Birthday Judah! You are 1 year old!

2010-11-18T20:42:00.000-08:00

You've come a LOOOOOONG way little one, we thank the Lord for you every day!
Judah spent the first 2 weeks in the NICU, needed help with his oxygen intake, and then feeding . . .

We had some memorable, amazing doctors looking after Judah. Robbie, (a very gracious, and sweet man with children of his own), took off the C-Pap machine one morning before we got there, cleaned him up so we could see what Judah looked like :) Robbie actually got into a LITTLE bit of trouble for doing this - but we were so thankful, I was so thankful to be able to hold him (kangaroo him - for some skin on skin time) without the hard tubes scrunching him. I have some very tender pictures of the "roo" time, but my shoulder's are bare :( so I don't want to post them.
Here's our little alien in his blue lights blanket for some jaundice . . .
Jeremy's wonderful mom holding Judah in the NICU. She came from Idaho every two weeks for months before Judah was born to help take care of our family, since I was on bedrest, and stayed awhile after Judah was born - but had to leave the day before Judah got released :( We love you Grandma!
Because of the H1N1 season - the girls were not allowed to visit me when I was admitted for abrupting, or visit Judah when he was born. This picture was taken right after we brought him home. They saw him in the car, but here they got to touch him and love him . . .
This is the first time we had the boys after we were able to bring our boy home . . . they are amazing big brothers - we are very blessed.
I seem to have quite a gap of pictures here - I don't know what happened - or if I just didn't take any for a LONG time - which could be the case :0) I've become terrible at capturing moments with the camera anymore :(

Resurrection Sunday in Idaho with the fam.
getting stronger!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this picture - Maddie is as usual stinking ADORABLE, and Judah looks like a deer caught in headlights. The mookie on his lip just ads that last needed touch! lOL
Yes, that's a real baby in there - it wasn't practice . . . . Jer was tossing the football with the boys, and felt Judah needed some guy time too ;)
Judah loved being jostled around!

yeah, these were tight - pulling his nose up - he wasn't a fan.
He did NOT like food, it seemed for a long time . . . someone suggested letting him play in it . . .
I absent-mindedly gave him a honey-nut cheerio - and he had an instant reaction - those are hives all over his face . . .have to be careful with this guy!
oooh - just sugary cuteness!

He's a blanket sucker . . .
trying out some avocado's - doesn't look too sure!
Enjoying our hot "ghetto nights" out back . . .we have no yard, and the back is just a driveway for cars - we make the most of it :)
Showing off his teef . . .

Riding the tractor with Grandma . . .
He's got grandpa's ears, eye-color, smile ;)
Handsome dude

I was trying to take good profile pics to do silhouettes SP!!! Haven't done that yet!
the day my life changed . . . he made it from the living room to the kitchen . . . back then it took quite a while . . .

now he drinks out of a sippy cup :(
when he started pulling himself up . . .

I know I have way more pictures - of those first months. I don't know what happened to them, but will post highlights when I find them.

We love our little Judah boy, he's a very happy baby. He shows a strong temper at times, but he loves to lean-in for a mootch almost any time. He tries to copy what we are saying - and sometimes - it really sounds like he is talking! He has let go while standing only a couple times so far, but falls right down, but he furniture surfs quite well - it won't be long!

Happy Birthday Judah! We love you!

Judah Talking

2010-11-08T13:12:00.000-08:00

November 1st - Thankful

2010-11-01T12:08:00.000-07:00

Lili praying for lunch:

"Jesus, welcome Aussin, Jussin at school . . ."

me (whispering): "not welcome Lili, Thank you"

Lili: "Oh! I mean thank you Jesus for Aussin and Jussin at school, Daddy at work and be a ossiber (Officer), and welcome Judah and Maddie and me, and welcome . . "

Me: "thank you"

Lili: "I mean thank you for Jesus, and kitty and Austin and Jussin . . . ."

We are enjoying listening to the prayers of our girls lately, and blessed by their sweet, innocent exclamations of love for Jesus already.

Thankful for my children . . .

Officially an oatmeal convert

2010-10-21T11:07:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I have never liked oatmeal. Well, I liked the sugary, refined "instant" oats - back in the day - that do little more than put refined sugar in your body, and very little nutrition . . .

Since learning how nutritious whole oats are, I have been trying to find a way to eat it - most of the time it left a yucky metallic taste in my mouth. Also, every time Maddie ate it, it would give her a tummy ache . . . ? Someone suggested that I start soaking my oats - which makes them easier to digest etc. See The Value of Soaking your whole grains. But this still didn't do it for me . . . at first.

Now . . . the night before we eat oatmeal, I take two cups of whole oats, two tablespoons of plain yogurt (or kefir - see website cited above), and two cups of WARM water, stir together, cover, and soak overnight.

Lately - I have been taking the FABULOUS in season jonogold, and/or honeycrisp apples we get from our favorite local farm, and cut them up in bite sized pieces. I boil these in three cups water - throw in some raisins, craisins, or both before I add the oats. While those things come to a boil, I mix a very little (goes a LONG way) cinnamon and nutmeg into the oats.

The result is like apple crisp - a healthy dessert for breakfast - and finally - a way to eat oatmeal that DOESN'T make me nauseous!

Add a splash of milk, a tsp. of ground flax, honey or brown sugar, and it is a little slice of heaven.

Yumm!!!

Still, my soul be still

2010-10-19T13:14:00.000-07:00

The other night, my husband was explaining the purpose of trials in a believers lives, and he was telling them about the old refiners fire analogy. When heating silver, the silver melts, and the dross, or impurities rise to the top. The refiner scoops it off, and being careful all the while not to overheat the silver so as not to injure it.

I have heard this analogy for years and years - and only now, in the midst of this pregnancy (which I am still struggling with) - does it mean something profound to me. It's not really that I haven't been through trials, its just, with this one - I can't escape it, even temporarily. There are days my husband is gone all day - and I have three littles, aged 3 and under, and I am sick as a dog, and MISERABLE. I've lost my temper with my children, and the misery compounds. I cried one night recounting to Jeremy my rotten day and how I had blown it, saying, I feel like I am getting WORSE, not better. He always faithfully washes me with the Word :), this night bringing Psalm 19 to mind esp. vs. 7&8.

So, I am seeing my dross, stuff that wouldn't be revealed any other way.

My sweet husband is always looking for ways to bless me, bought me a Keith & Kristyn Getty CD a while back - and it truly is the only thing I listen to - sometimes 2 or 3 times a day . . . Lili sings along with it she's heard it so many times :) Whenever track four comes on, wherever I am, I start to hum along - and then get choked up, and can't because of the lyrics:

Still, my soul be still

Still my soul be still

And do not fear

Though winds of change may rage tomorrow

God is at your side

No longer dread

The fires of unexpected sorrow

God You are my God

And I will trust in You and not be shaken

Lord of peace renew

A steadfast spirit within me

To rest in You alone

Still my soul be still

Do not be moved

By lesser lights and fleeting shadows

Hold onto His ways

With shield of faith

Agains temptations flaming arrows

Still my soul be still

Do not forsake

The Truth you learned in the beginning

Wait upon the Lord

And hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming

This relates to the fear that is part of what I am struggling with in this pregnancy . . . when I was pregnant with Judah, um, LAST YEAR, I went back and forth about whether or not to get the H1N1 flu shot, and trying to be balanced, but really being fearful for Judah.

So far, except for the usual nausea, all seems well, and "normal." I am thankful for your prayers :) And now, my bloggy break has drawn to an end - with my stinky littlest needing a change ;)

Big Boy

2010-10-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

This has been the battle of the century ;) My doctor recommended weaning him - and on my own - I have been offering him a sippy for a month or two. Up until a couple of days ago - he has wanted NOTHING at all to do with it, or the bottle. This is a HUGE step forward - We plan on weaning him "cold turkey" this Sunday - when Jer can be around to feed him as much as possible . . . :( Such a bittersweet time - I got to nurse Judah the longest, and there is a special bond for sure ;) On the positive side, I think my husband is taking me out on a hot date soon . . . and we can be gone longer now :)

Anger

2010-10-10T22:05:00.000-07:00

Wow, being tired, grumpy, parenting toddlers, pregnant, and being nauseous has squeezed things out of me that grieve my heart to see . . . and this is my prayer from The Valley of Vision - called Passion:

Holy Lord,

How little repentance there is in the world,

and how many sins I have to repent of!

I am troubled for my sin of passion,

for the shame and horror of it as an evil;

I purpose to give way to it no more,

and come to thee for strength to that end.

Most men give vent to anger frequently

and are overcome by it,

bringing many excuses and extenuations for it,

as that it occurs suddenly,

that they delight not in it,

that they are sorry afterwards,

that godly men commit it.

They thus seek peace after outbursts of passion

by entire forgetfulness of it,

or, by skinning over their wound,

they hope for healing

without peace in Christ’s blood.

Lord God, I know that my sudden anger arises

when things cross me,

and I desire to please only myself, not Christ;

There is in all wrongs and crosses a double cross –

that which crosses me,

and that which crosses thee;

In all good things there is

somewhat that pleases me,

somewhat that pleases thee;

My sin is that my heart is pleased or troubled

as things please or trouble me,

without my having a regard to Christ;

Thus, I am like Eli,

the subject of punishment for not rebuking sin;

whereas I should humbly confess my sin

and fly to the blood of Christ for pardon

and peace.

Give me, then, repentance, true brokenness,

lasting contrition,

for these things thou wilt not despise

in spite of my sin.

I am thankful that I can fly to Christ for pardon . . .

Psalm 127

2010-10-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

Here are my thoughts currently on Psalm 127. I confess, when I first found out I was pregnant, I wasn't happy . . in fact, I cried . . . for two days . . . I was scared because of how hard my pregnancies are, and especially the last one, with abrupting, and having to be on bed-rest, and having gestational diabetes. We certainly were not trying to have another child, on the contrary. Just the week before I had posted an ad on Craig's list to sell off the totes of baby clothes and some toys. Jer and I had in the last month or two prayerfully and peacefully come to the conclusion that we were done. It's not that I don't want a gazillion children - but pregnancies take so much out of me, and frankly the people around me because I needed so much help the last time. I am still working through it all in my heart, I KNOW the truth, I KNOW that children are a gift from God, that He is sovereign, that He WILL take care of us.

The second night after we found out, Jer and I were reading in bed, I think I was more like sulking, and he started reading this to me:

"Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD. That is, to many God gives children in place of temporal goods. To many others he gives houses, lands, and thousands of gold and silver, and with them the womb that beareth not; and these are their inheritance. The poor man has from God a number of children without lands or money; these are his inheritance; and God shows Himself their Father, feeding and supporting them by a chain of miraculous providences. Where is the poor man who would give up his six children with the prospect of having more, for the thousands or millions of him who is the centre of his own existence, and has neither root nor branch but his forlorn solitary self upon the face of the earth? Let the fruitful family, however poor, lay this to heart - Children are an heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. And he who gave them will feed them; for it is a fact, and the maxim formed on it has never failed, 'Wherever God sends mouths, He sends meat."

"'tis one of the greatest outward blessings to have a family full of dutiful children. To have many children is the next blessing to much grace. To have many children about us is better than to have much wealth about us. To have store of these olive plants (as the Psalmist calls them) round about our table is better than to have store of oil and wine upon our table. We know the worth of dead, or rather lifeless treasures, but who knows the worth of living treasures? Every man who hath children hath not a blessing in them, yet children are a blessing, and some have many blessings in one child. Children are chiefly a blessing to the children of God. "Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. But are not houses and lands, gold and silver, and heritage bestowed by the Lord upon his people? Doubtless they are, for the earth is his, and the fulness of it, and he gives it to the children of men. But though all things are of God, yet all things are not alike of him: children are more of God than houses and lands." From The Treasury of David by Charles H. Spurgeon

Granted I am more fearful of the pregnancy than I am of the Lord providing, but the same God that will provide our needs, is the same God Who holds my days, health, and this baby, in His hand. The Lord is the One who opens and closes the womb of a woman, and so, with His character in mind, and knowing that we were not testing Him, I will move forward one day at a time, thanking Him for this blessing, and for what He will accomplish in our lives and character through it all.

One friend encouraged me by saying that in years to come, I will be sitting next to this teenager - unable to imagine life without him/her. More importantly, my hope and prayer is that all my children will love the Lord with all of their hearts, souls, and minds.

Another point, is that I still so often rely on my own strength and wisdom, that I am now at a point of desperately throwing myself at the throne of grace to make it through each day . . . and if it takes another child to do that - it is more than worth the hardships, pain, and inconveniences that I face.

Surprise!!!

2010-09-26T18:04:00.000-07:00

We are as surprised as you are!

Psalm 127

The Big Reveal . . . .

2010-09-21T20:55:00.000-07:00

Meet Naughty Socks - our new kitty. This was from the Bojangles post - because we WERE going to name him Bojangles - but the more we called him, the harder it got - just too long of a name - even though I love the name - think it's cute . . . . we've named him Naughty - because he is naughty - all kitten - but we all ADORE him. So, it was also a very random clue - for those who left comments :) There is NO way you could have guessed ;)

So, the story goes like this . . . a position opened in the Forest Grove Police Dept (FGPD) - and my husband has always wanted to be a cop. It's kind of a long story . . . so I will just write about current events. Through the years, he's kept his eye on openings in the local police departments, and filled out applications from time to time, but it ended up just not being the right timing. This time was different though, we talked, prayed, and decided to see where the Lord would take it if he applied. Once his app. was in, things moved FAST, he passed testing after testing, and really hit it off with his interviewers etc. He wasn't accepted on full-time they told him because they had some laterals who could step right into the position (he'd have to go away for police academy), but they really liked him, wanted to keep him on the eligibility list, and wanted to see if he would be interested in doing reserve work. That means he does a lot of the training, and becomes a police officer - but he does it for the community (no pay), a couple of times a month, with hopes of transitioning to full time at some point. We talked some more, prayed some more - and excitedly decided to go for it. It's been an exciting time to watch my husband pursue something that he really gets pumped about. He still has to do the academy - but it's not full time - it is two evenings a week, and every Saturday for 5 months (except for a couple of holidays). That means, he will be gone from us a lot for awhile.

Which brings us to Naughty. I've always grown up around cats and dogs - and loved having animals in the house :) We recently lost (literally lost - we have no idea where he wandered off to :( our cat, and had decided while we had him that the next cat we got would be from a kitten . . . so I had already researched cat temperaments and kept coming up to Ragdoll cats . . . they are lazy ;) (i.e. low maintenance), dog like (you can teach them to fetch and do some tricks), are GREAT with other animals (if we ever get into a house with a yard - we'd like to get a dog), and children. I showed Jeremy and at the time we said we keep our eyes open for a good deal. . . . and then we got an unexpected pay increase and bonus - while Jeremy is looking into police work - we find out he is up for promotion to manager (of security) of the NW sites of his company . . . so my sweet husband decided that since he was going to be away a lot, and we were eventually looking to get another kitten, to go with the breeder I found - and I found a kitten that was getting older, and so the breeder cut her price for him down . . . and here he is now, with us, a celebration of the Lord's blessing, and addition to our family. He is playful, mischievous, loving (he purrs and pads NON-STOP), and just perfect for our big family!

So here are a couple of big announcements in one post, my husband pursuing the police department, and our kitty :)

Jeremy's first night of academy was Tuesday, and he came home SO pumped and excited - it was fun to hear all about his training (EXCEPT that he will have to be tazered and maced as part of his training ;( He was so excited I think he only got an hour or two of sleep that night :)

So, it will be an interesting and busy season for us all here . . . we covet your prayers :)

Thanks for stopping by.

Facebook . . . again

2010-09-17T11:32:00.000-07:00

I had a weak moment or two this past week with Facebook - there were friends that I wanted to keep in touch with - that have been on my heart lately - and I wanted to see how they are doing - but I never got their email address. So I tried to sign back up with Facebook . . . twice - and I was going to keep "Friends" to a BARE MINIMUM! Only - now that I "really" deleted - it must have kept my email address - and it will NOT let me sign up . . . . well, I can sign up, but when I log out, it doesn't recognize my name or email address anymore. I'm taking it as a blessing in disguise :)

http://www.switched.com/2010/05/17/fed-up-with-facebook-delete-it-and-heres-how/

It really works!

I guess I could create another email address and sign up . . . but that's such a hassle - on so many levels :)

Kid Speak

2010-09-15T15:40:00.000-07:00

Here are some new favorites:

Maddie rubbing her itchy eye: "Mommy - my eye is growing!"

Lili holding her arm: "MOM!!! My arm is SICK!" . . . . . I have NO idea . . .

Bill Bojangles Robinson and Shirley Temple

2010-09-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

Stay tuned for a big announcement . . . here's a clue . . .

Brotherly Love

2010-09-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

Judah affectionately headbutts his brothers. Before this Judah said Dada all the time, on command and on his own. Now he will NOT say it at all . . . . can I say willful!? This video is precious - enjoy.

ALOT . . . too much to catch up on!

2010-09-07T17:05:00.000-07:00

Last weekend - Judah and I made a whirlwind trip to NY . . . during which I totally forgot to take pictures! I was pretty tired from our red-eye trip TO NY, that I think I am still recovering from :) Two days after I got home, Austin and Justin came home to us . . . and we ventured out to the coast to go to the aquarium - it was alot of fun! Sunday was church, and Labor day we had a cook-out with church peeps - FEWF! So, here is all I was able to get of the aquarium.

I don't know how to order my pictures when I am uploading them . . . .but the picture here of Lili and Maddie looking down was in the "Tube" part of the aquarium - where you see sharks and fish swimming all around you, over you, and under you as you walk through a tube. So NEAT!

Below the kids got to touch the starfish, anemane?? sea cucumbers, and other things. I was so dissappointed - Lili is usually very brave when it comes to bugs and stuff - but she, and Maddie, WOULD NOT touch any of the sea creatures. I had no idea that star fish were so bony-like! I thought they would be squishy blobs like the cucumber . . . we stayed here a long time ;)
We also all LOVED the jellyfish - in fact - when we went to the souvenier shop at the end - the girls got the jellyfish stuffed animals :) They are SOOOO fascinating!
Below is a look through the TUBE tank.

We are experiencing a time of unfathomable blessings (saving that for a more serious post ;), This to me is part of it . . . our kids all adore each other . . . . they have their moments - of COURSE - they are sinners :) Austin and Justin have blown me away with their love for their siblings - always anticipating their needs - and helping them . . . always helping us at mealtimes, often asking to feed Judah, carry him to the car, unbuckle him, carry him. Such a precious time. Here is what I found while I was busy cleaning or cooking or something . . .. the boys teaching the girls how to play chutes and ladders! it was very, very sweet. We are so blessed that in this difficult situation - having step sons that come every 10 days to visit, are 9 and 10 years old, and are just so happy when they are home, and truly love their siblings . . . such a blessing. We are thankful for this time.
Yes . . . . . you may have noticed that little Lil's hair is pretty short. A long time ago I gave her bangs - which didn't work out because her hair is just wavy enough to get them to look decent was nearly impossible. Her bangs finally grew out long enough - and I gave her the cut . . . now her hair is all the same length, and we'll grow it out again, a little thicker/fully too :)
She is holding her hair . . .

Mommy, I nuggo you . . .

2010-09-06T09:54:00.000-07:00

It is a cold, wet morning here in Oregon. I have a harvesty candle burning since it is starting to look and feel like fall. I have the fuzziest throw blanket ever, one side looks like a sheep skin throw, the other is a soft velvety fabric - red - my favorite color . . . my hubby knows what I like ;) I asked Lili if she wanted to snuggle with me for a few minutes. She simply said no. Maddie came running in from the other room and said "Mommy, I nuggo you." It was so cute - I just had to share.

The Strong Woman Vs. the Woman of Strength

2010-08-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

I heard this quote in college, and really at the time thought little of it.

My single friends, my husband and I have had different conversations from time to time about the lack of Godly manly men these days - and we have shared articles on different topics such as how women now dominate the work place, about how commonplace it is to read "housedad" or "househusband" on resumes from men who've stayed home and their wives have had to work (I am in no way condemning every situation - sometimes it is necessary), and I have always noticed how some of the most popular movies have women in them who can kick everyone and anyone's tush. There is such pressure to be the "everything" woman, I've seen Facebook sites for "Cowgirls" who pride themselves on doing everything and anything men can do on a ranch or farm etc. etc.

True, God hasn't created all women to embroider, host teas, knit, etc. and I have met a number of Godly women who exhibit great strength, while also exhibiting great grace and humility. Well, I'll stop rambling and let you read the poem . . .

****************************************************

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ...
but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape...

A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ...
but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear...

A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ...
but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone...

A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future...
a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them...

A strong woman walks sure footedly ...
but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls...

A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ...
but a woman of strength wears grace...

A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ...
but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong...

****************************************************

Proverbs 31: 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

This is what I want for myself. This is what I want for my daughters.

Busy Week with Friends!

2010-08-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

This past week, a dear friend of mine from college, Tiffany, whom I haven't seen in about 8 years, flew in for the weekend from Ohio. What a blessed time of fellowship we had, as we drove down to visit her first roomate - and mutual friend Allison :) While traveling with three kiddos aged 3 and under was tiring, and had its challenges - we managed to squeeze in good conversation, food (thanks to Allison's amazing cooking skills), and some fun activities for the littles :) They had a bounce house the girls just loved, and their sweet neighbors built a playground and named it Camp Gray Wolf - so fun . . . and we picked lots of green beans for a fabulous risotto and shrimp dish - oooh - yumm! Thank you Allison and Chet for your sacrificial hospitality.

When we got back from Grant's Pass, Tiff and I reminisced through old photos - which, I am going to scan and post as soon as I can.

Allison also gave a gift to the kids (well, to me ;) of piggies and paws type of foot print photos - I will post them as soon as I get them up :)

Thank you Lord for good friends and sweet fellowship.

Don't be in a hurry to turn your kiddos forward facing . . .

2010-08-11T07:54:00.001-07:00

My sister-in-law sent me this compelling article on rear-facing carseats - thought I would pass it along :)

Watch this:

Then go here.

God Bless

From the Garden and Behind the House

2010-08-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

One day Jer and the boys brought a container full of blackberries in for me :) I made a blackberry pie - which the crust didn't turn out - but I improvised. The wild blackberry bushes are behind the brick wall behind our house! YUM!!!

And, remember those weed looking things? They were choking out my little Johnny Jump Ups, and so I had to pull them apart and transplant them. They turned out to be big sunflowers - I lost the package - but I thought they were only going to be the size of daisies. Here are Lili's sunflowers - I couldn't pull the roots apart they are so intertwined - but I learned not to plant them in a small pot next time!

I hear these will come back year after year!
Beans from my garden . . . yummmm - don't have quite enough at one time for a meal - so I am going to make them into baby food for Judah soon :)

BRIEF Idaho Recap . . . .

2010-08-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

Super Brief . . . . I didn't take enough pictures!!! we made lots of memories . . . and as usual - for me lately - I didn't have my camera for most of it :(

This was taken the morning Jer, Lili, Maddie, Judah and I left. Austin and Justin got to spend a little one on one with their grandparents for 4-5 days :)
Do these two look ANYthing alike? tee hee.
We went for a short hike up Tubb's Hill - on the Cordelaine lake - it was beautiful. We found a little place the kids wanted to go swimming in. We brought their swim suits - but left them in the car for swimming later, this was only suppose to be the hike part. Before any of us knew it - the girls had ripped of their clothes . . . . ALL OF THEM! I about died laughing!
Grandma took little Judah for a ride because he was fussy. I really thought Judah would hate it - he typically dislikes loud noises . . . but he LOVED it!

Can Natural Living Become an Idol?

2010-08-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

I ran across a very interesting blog post on a blog I just found . . . I thought it was very well done. You can find it here.

Maddie Singing . . . .

2010-08-03T08:13:00.000-07:00

So here's the thing with Maddie . . . we went to Idaho last week to visit Mom and Dad Lazenby, and we learned that Maddie is really very shy. We went on a hike - and she rode with her grandparents - and didn't make a peep for the entire 30+ minute ride. As I reflect on her interactions with people she doesn't know so well, visitors, dropping her off in the nursery at church, she really is very quiet and shy around them. She just STARTED to warm up to Grandma and Grandpa by the end of the week - which was fun to watch. But here is a side of her that you probably will never see ;)

Beach Day with Beans . . .

2010-07-19T09:46:00.001-07:00

Karina (AKA Beans) is here for the week with her best friend Leeora . . . and we always try to make a beach trip. Cannon Beach was COLD - but BEAUTIFUL! It was the first time I got to see the tide pools, starfish etc. it was awesome! We went in the morning - and the sun just started to peek out when we were getting ready to leave :( But we had to get going for Judah Boy's sake . . .

Here is the massive cinnamon roll from Camp 18 . . . they got one to take home . . .

Bedtime Stories

2010-07-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

This was a picture Jeremy took of I think the second night of Maddie in her big girl bed. She was TOTALLY zonked here :)

Miscelleneous

2010-07-16T09:38:00.001-07:00

Sweet, chubby, sugary goodness right here - I love those chubby legs, he loves his "lion of Judah" bear given to him by Meaghan Varela - friend of the fam . . . Judah is the only one of my kiddos who doesn't suck his thumb - but he sucks on the corners of his blankies, and the tag on the bear.

The girls are cracking us up all the time lately with their silly antics. The latest funny thing Lili said was at the 4th of July picnic, Jer gave her her lunch - and there was some mixed cut up fruit. As we were visiting with some of the folks there, Lili and Maddie were eating their lunch, and loudly and excitedly exclaimed "MOMMY! I GOT SOME MOTTERWELLON!!!!" (i.e. watermelon). She loves to talk to us like she is a little adult - putting her hand on her hip and everything. She often bosses her brothers and sister around, and demanding them to respond "yes Lili" when she tells them to do something. She is uber curious about everything, and wants to help all the time. I think I like age 3 1/2 the best so far :)
GHETTO NIGHTS:

It has been super hot here lately, and we started what we now affectionately call "Ghetto Nights" - which is when we go out back and pull out our lawn chairs, and let the kids play on the road out back, and if it is hot enough, we'll hose them down. We will also eat our dinner out there - and sometimes be joined by our neighbor and her 2 - almost 3 year old son :) Here is Judah in his make shift pool / underbed storage tote - no need to store those cumbersome pools! :) He LOVED it - and didn't want to get out!
O'Leary's - this one is for you . . . . still cutting hair - now my own kids hair :) This is maddie's first trim. Her hair is SO curly - and some of her hair at the crown of her head grew longer than the rest - making it very nappy and hard to tame . . . so I just gave her a trim *sniff *sniff. I was surprised that she sat so still - she is the wiggliest little thing!
I was feeling a little cooped up - so I made a picnic for the girls out on our porch - complete with frozen yogurt/berry popsicles - yummmmm.
our little 4th celebration - Lili was really the only one who enjoyed it. Our neighbors joined us for this too - and her son Jake, and our Maddie wanted NOTHING to do with it - and spent most of the little show with their heads buried in our chests. Jer bought a little package of fireworks for the kids :)
If there are socks, shoes, Judah's clothes, hats lying around - Maddie will put them on and wear them around. She put her dad's running shoes on after this - but I was too busy to grab a camera. She will also climb up onto my bed when I have my mountain of clean clothes to fold on it - and just start putting clothes on - regardless of who they belong to, or if they don't match ;)

This expression is priceless . . . don't have a witty caption - but wish I did :)
We are gearing up for an insanely busy summer right now. Tonight my cousin Karina and her best friend are flying in from NY to spend a week with us. They are 13 years old, and Karina makes at least one trip a year out here - fun times. We are planning on hitting Camp 18 tomorrow morning on our way to the beach sans kids - (well, we have to take Judah boy since he is still nursing). After they return to NY, we are going to Idaho for a week, and then leaving the big boys out there for the next week, and then I have a dear friend I haven't seen in YEARS flying in - and then we're going to drive down to Grant's Pass to visit a mutual friend of ours for a couple of days. About a week after that - I fly to NY for 5 days! FEWF! I'm tired just thinking about it.

Hope you are all enjoying your summer vacation!

Andrew Peterson: “Dancing in the Minefields”

2010-07-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

My husband skyped me to watch this video - saying it is us :) ( a few details different - but "its the truth of marriage and the cross")

Andrew Peterson: “Dancing in the Minefields”

I have the best husband ever.

Cuteness

2010-07-09T10:51:00.000-07:00

This Thorn - by Twila Paris

2010-07-06T08:50:00.001-07:00

There are a couple of on-going trials in my life, that are at times overwhelmingly painful to me. No one is dying (well, we are all dying - aren't we?), we have abundantly more than we can ask or think to ask for . . . these trials are regarding difficult relationships. Where explanations, discussions, analyzing, speculating do more harm than good, and my only source of solace is prayer - which I often have to be PRESSED in to - but I am learning to run to the Lord faster with each "incident."

A LONG time ago - seems like forever ago, I use to listen to Twila Paris, and her song "This Thorn" often comes to mind as I contemplate what these painful trials are doing in my heart, and character.

Thank you for this thorn embedded in my flesh

I can feel the mystery, my spirit is made fresh

You are sovereign still and forever wise

I can see the miracle opening my eyes

To a proud heart so quick to judge

Laying down crosses and carrying grudges

The veil has been torn

And I thank you for this thorn

Thank you for this thorn, fellowship of pain

Teaching me to know you more, never to complain

Thank you for this love planted in my side

Faithful patient miracle opening my eyes

I never thought I'd say it without reservation

But I am truly grateful for this piercing revelation

of a proud heart, so quick to judge

laying down crosses and carrying grudges

The veil has been torn

and I thank you for this thorn

And if you choose to take it, I will praise You

And thank you for the healing in Your name

But if it must remain, I thank You for Your rod

Evidence of Father-love for a child of God

I join You in sorrow

So much less than You have borne

And I thank you, really I thank You

Lord I thank You, I thank You for this thorn.

I AM truly thankful for these trials - that were tailor-made for me by my loving and gracious Lord and Savior. Truly more is learned through the crucible of life's trials, the purpose of which are to conform us into the image of Christ.

There are many passages of Scripture that come to mind - and my husband and I have had so many difficult and good conversations about these trials recently, and his counsel has been Biblical and comforting.

What do you do when you are falsely accused? your intentions misunderstood, when you are excluded, when you are slandered, or worse yet - when someone you love dearly is the target of hatred and lies, and persecution?

More on this soon - I will share some passages that have bolstered me, and quotes from some amazing authors (my husband loves Thomas Watson - and has been sharing incredible quotes from his book on repentance), as I work through these trials.

This post is totally written in a spirit of hope, optimism and joy . . . they are just reflections from my journal on trials - in general :)

God Bless

Sweet Little Garden . . .

2010-07-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

I am GIDDY as a school girl whenever I see things growing in my wee little garden - my whole life I have never been able to keep a plant alive to save my life . . . . and these grow in spite of me. It's a BIG deal to me that my plants are not only alive - amidst one of the "hardest years for a novice gardner due to all the rain" - and I just thank the Lord for keeping them alive, and bringing such joy . . . .

Maddie and Lili each got a packet of seeds for some flowers - they picked them out themselves. Lili's is the tall stemmed flowers - we're super curious to see what blooms on them - if they will ever bloom ;) I think they will look like black eyed Susans . . not sure . . . I lost the packets :(
and here are Maddie's flowers - and SHE is giddy about them . . . I don't know what they are called...

Snow Peas! Next year I will get sugar snaps - these are kinda hard to use and snack on! if you leave them on the vine too long - they get really super hard and fibery :(

Salad greens that we got from Burgerville :) They at times give little potting plants with seeds in the kids' meals - super idea!
BEANS!!!! I almost gave up on this one . . . . with the hail, and the fragile leaves, and lots of dying plants . . . but then I saw THIS . . . . .
and what can I say? AMAZING!
My "Early Girl" tomatoes - lived through a few aphid infestations - and a novice gardner using soapy water to kill them - and burning some leaves in the process . .. BUT . . . . .
TA-DA!!!! First tomato of the year (see the singed leaf edges?)
Oh so EXCITING!

My sweet hubby and I are going to Home Depo tonight to pick up some things to work with our little patch of earth outside - to make it look cleaner - and more inviting! I will post before/after pics!

LOVING THE WARM GOLDEN SUN THESE DAYS . . . .

Classic Teething Picture of Judah

2010-06-29T20:09:00.000-07:00

Random Happenings and Things

2010-06-27T20:39:00.001-07:00

Here is a collection of some of the randomness in the Lazenby home . . . in no particular order . . .

What my little Judah Budda looks like now . . . . the puffy eyes are from lack of sleep . . . and we have no idea why, and are just along for the ride, and are tired . . . . we're thinking teething, there's no fever, just not being able to sleep for very long periods of time, and wakes up crying. Poor guy . . . other than that, he is doing great! We took him swimming recently, and he is a little FISH! Fearless! He loves the water. I forgot my camera :(
The girls wrangled their loving bro into doing his hair - he is so good with them - and they adore him :)
Jer has been a Cubs fan since he was Austin and Justin's age - and every three or four years they come to Seattle. It was our Father's Day gift to Jeremy and his dad this year :) Love you guys!

Poor Judah boy, I very absentmindedly gave him a honey nut cheerio . . . thankfully he didn't eat it, he just slobbered all over it, then rubbed his slobber all over his face. Thankfully it wasn't a more serious reaction . . . but we will be very careful from now on! He loves to eat now, and is eating blueberries, bananas, avocado, applesauce, carrots, sweet potatoes.

This bread dough makes the most phenomenal dinner rolls and cinnamon rolls - YUMMM. (I made them with the maple coffee frosting as well . . . TO. DIE. FOR!! BEWARE - this recipe makes alot of dough - I halved it yesterday and got dinner rolls and enough dough left over for cinnamon rolls this morning.
Lili feeding her baby, and flashes that maniacal smile when she sees the camera! Ha!
Little monkey see - monkey do here :) So cute!

It is Sunday night, and I am indulging in my little blog post for relaxation - we are EXHAUSTED! Life is always very fun, and very full with the boys here, and are always sad when they leave. Have a productive, fun week!

Schooling Decisions

2010-06-21T19:57:00.000-07:00

Ahhhh, to home school or not to home school - THAT is the question.

When my husband and I dated, we both adamantly said we'd home school our children, for me, it just sounded more spiritual - and I said it with an air of superiority . . . .

I've always been an idealist, and I don't know what gave me such a strong opinion about the whole schooling issue - up to that point I had been completely ignorant of the hotbed of controversy surrounding it, and how divisive it can be in the church - it just sounded like a high a noble thing to do.

Now I have my own children, and what we are going to do with our children with regards to school is a recurring conversation and topic of prayer between my wise husband and myself.

We have had many intense conversations with people of all different opinions on this issue. We look up to some very Godly people we highly esteem - and many of them have differing, and sometimes very strong opinions. We believe that we have freedom in Christ to do what is best for our own family. We found a very balanced, very encouraging message on the topic here. I will put it on my sidebar for easy referral. We have considered every option, and while we will with begin our children's education with the option of homeschooling, we have decided to take each child, year by year, and prayerfully assess what we will do. I confess that homeschooling is intimidating to me, but also exciting, I do so enjoy watching the the moments when my children learn something new, and am thankful for every little one of those moments that I get to share with them.

God Bless!

Are you mad?

2010-06-21T12:09:00.000-07:00

So funny - and humbling!

I was serving the girls lunch today, and Lili asks "Mom, are you mad?"

me: "No, I'm not mad, are you mad?" (being a little silly)

Lili: "No, you just look mad to me."

! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

3 amazing things about this - to me anyways:

1. She has never articulated a sentence so perfectly.

2. She knows what "mad" is?

3. My natural repose must make me look cross, or MAD? (so sad!)

I AM weary, lots of sickness, lots of night waking, lots of work (that never ends ;) . . . . but I strive to have a gracious, cheerful, steady character/demeanor . . . and have a long way to go . . . . obviously.

Life is getting more interesting everyday. I am glad that she can ask me without fear at least :)

Snap Peas!

2010-06-16T14:15:00.000-07:00

I had to post this momentous occasion . . . having been a black thumb all my life, I am marveling that my plants are producing! We are having a VERY wet year in Oregon, and the aphids are threatening to kill my tomato plant . . . but I keep on top of it best I can. We are enjoying the chives, cilantro, lemon thyme, rosemary, parsely from my herb garden - have made a few salads from the lettuce, and are looking forward to lots of snap peas and green beans! Hurray!

What!?

2010-06-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

For some reason - this causes endless laughter from the boys (ALL of them) every time we have pizza . . . that's all it is, my pizza dough rising. The directions SAY, let the dough rise for an hour, then, tip the dough out, and split the dough in half, make two tight balls, and let them rise for another 45 minutes. What's so funny about that!?

Lili reading her Bible

2010-06-11T15:59:00.000-07:00

I was in the kitchen busy making pizza, and I heard Lili in the living room

talking alot about Jesus. This is what I saw. Sorry for the loud noises -

I was trying to capture Lili without her noticing - and was moving the

camera along the counter top. I love her reaction to seeing her

dad outside too - the boys ran to meet him -

he was just coming home from work :)

Judah's 6 month Checkup

2010-06-10T14:52:00.000-07:00

He did great! He weighed 18lbs 4.5oz, measured 27 5/8" long, and had a head circumfrence of 18 1/8" putting him in the 95th percentile for the size of his head - :P we are not surprised :)

He cut his first tooth on Memorial Day weekend, and cut his second a week later.

The Dr. encouraged me to encourage him to eat - for up to now - everytime I put anything in Judah's mouth, he reacts like it is bitter, or tart. It cracks us up because it is like the blandest food - rice cereal, or banana, or applesauce, or pureed sweet potato - or a combo of any of those things. The dr. suggested pouring some of his food out on to his tray, and let him "play" in it, and see if eating it from his fingers will encourage him . . . . I have to say - it did seem to help - but because of the cleanup - I hope he learns to eat soon :)

He is such a joy . . . even when he wakes me in the middle of the night, his smiles and coos are irresistable! He is having a rough week because of his shots - he is not sleeping too great, and is more fussy than usual . . . . but usually he is a very smiley, happy baby boy. Every time I lay him down in his bed, I just say Thank You to the Lord for this boy He has given me to care for, and for my children. I guess the difficult pregnancy made me more appreciative of the miracle, blessing, and gift that my children are.

Judah adores Lili - and she really doesn't have to do much - although she does - to get him to belly laugh. I have to say he looks a little worried when Maddie is near, and she is a little more rough with him right now - but is learning to be more gentle :)

This is Judah's reaction to putting his hands in the food - doesn't look very happy about it at first - I didn't think he would fall for it . . .
But he actually did - and ate quite a bit - for Judah :)
You MIGHT be able to see his two new bottom teeth.

Thanks for stopping over :)

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!

2010-06-07T11:48:00.000-07:00

I deleted my FB account forever . . . . well, in 14 days it will be final . . . read this link to find out how:

http://www.switched.com/2010/05/17/fed-up-with-facebook-delete-it-and-heres-how/

Here are some of my favorite quotes from the article:

"After that, you'd think the entire process was finished. And you'd be wrong. You see, Facebook kindly gives you a full 14 days to feel guilty about your decision. Should you log in during the ensuing fortnight, or even if you click a "like" button on a third-party site, your account will suddenly jolt back to life."

"Truth be told, quitting Facebook, much like kicking heroin or trans-fats, is easier said than done. Most of us have become so firmly attached to the site that even the thought of cutting the umbilical cord sounds unbearable. As with herpes and Hepatitis C, however, it's entirely possible to live a healthy, productive life on Facebook, tyrannical as it may be. All you have to do is tighten up your privacy controls. The New York Times recently published an appropriately complex graphic that breaks down the various privacy moles you'll have to whack in order to seal your information. And it won't be easy."

Ahhhh - it feels good!

Dying to Self

2010-06-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

When you are forgotten, neglected, or purposely set at naught, and you sting and hurt with the oversight, but your heart is happy being counted worthy to suffer for Christ;

That is dying to self.

When your good is evil spoken of, when your wishes are crossed, your advice disregarded, your opinion ridiculed, and you refuse to let anger rise in your heart or even defend yourself, but take it all in patient, loving silence;

That is dying to self.

When you lovingly and patiently bear any disorder, any irregularity, any annoyance; when you can stand face to face with waste, folly, extravagance, spiritual insensibility, and endure it as Jesus did;

That is dying to self.

When you are content with any food, and offering, any raiment, any climate, any society, any solitude, any interruption by the will of God;

That is dying to self.

When you never care to refer to yourself in conversation or record your own good works or itch after commendation, when you can truly love to be unknown;

That is dying to self.

When you can see your brother prosper and have his needs met, and can honestly rejoice with him in spirit and feel no envy, nor question God, while your own needs are far greater and you are in desperate circumstances;

That is dying to self.

When you can receive correction and reproof from one of less stature than yourself and can humbly submit, inwardly as well as outwardly, finding no rebellion or resentment rising up within your heart;

That is dying to self.

May Recap

2010-05-31T16:47:00.000-07:00

It is Memorial day - and I am having a gloriously lazy day here - recouping from a fun, intense, exhausting weekend! My dear friends Ruth and Trinity make an annual pilgrimage from Fairfield, CA to visit us :) Ruth and I were able to put together special music for our church, in the midst of sickness, sleeplessness and fun! As usual, I didn't take enough pictures! We always play the addictive game "Ticket to Ride" - this time we played the European version - , and in spite of coming in last place - it was a BLAST! We took a little tour of Portland - thanks to our guide Meaghan :) Ate fabulous meals (I always break out the special, special recipes for guests :) I miss them already!

May 19th marked our big boy Judah's 6 month birthday, and just yesterday he cut his very first tooth - after it teased us for months and months!
I wonder why blogger uploads the pictures backwards - in other words - I wanted this picture to be the last picture. Hmmmmm. We ended our fabulous tour of Portland with a phenomenal meal at Montage in NE Portland. We were all scratching our heads when Meaghan said their specialties were in mac and cheese, but when we got there - we had so much fun. I tried my first and last piece of alligator . . . tasted a little too fishy for my taste - but I think I ended up with the best plate of all - the tomato and basil pesto mac & cheese with Rock Shrimp. It had a bit of an alfredo type sauce which made it absolutely divine!
Ruth and I have a picture like this for each one of our kiddos - so funny - I will have to dig up the others.
Trinity got snagged in to a hair session with the girls :) They both were so sweet - and let the girls comb and torture their hair.

Here's my chubby bubby . . . . . going through lots of growth transitions presently - not the least of which is cutting a new tooth! When he isn't sick, or teething, he is the funniest, happiest, and laughiest baby of them all. At the restaurant last night - he busted a gut laughing at me for not reason at all. he made me laugh, just because he was laughing :)
I just love this kid!

Well, the Facebook haitus has been interrupted. It is the easiest way to keep in touch with ladies from church, and local events . . . so I am still trying to figure it out. Oh well, one day I will muster up the courage to just delete it forever :)

Well, I better get back to real life for now - thanks for stopping by!

Pride . . .

2010-05-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

-It’s why you’re not satisfied with the house you live in
-It’s why you feel entitled to that job or that promotion
-It’s why you won’t say you’re sorry
-It’s why you talk to your wife (husband) like she’s (he's) a dog
-It’s why you pretend to be closer to God than you really are
-It’s why you spend money you don’t have to impress people you don’t even like
-It’s why you won’t forgive
-It’s why you don’t respect your husband
-It’s why you refuse to admit you’re wrong

Pride is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment or even common sense.

C.S. Lewis

I love authors / writers, that make me take a good look at myself - and see my sin for what it is.

* Italics mine

A Beautiful Day at Hagg Lake

2010-05-14T18:18:00.000-07:00

Hagg Lake Highlights:

* The boys braved the creek, swam in the deeper parts, waded out to islands. I nicknamed them the "city boys" a while back, they are scared of everything - so we're working on bringing out the "country boys" in them :)
* Lili and Maddie both fell in a deeper part, and got scared, and screamed, but both went right back in for more :)
* We saw a little, or huge duck family - we were able to get pretty close to them :)
* The fresh air, the scenery, and family time was so fulfilling :) We praise the Lord for His marvelous creation.
* We got away from the sound of cars and electricity for a whole day.
* The girls skipped naps :P Maddie zonked out on the drive home.
* Maddie knocked a tooth loose :( but it seems ok now.
* We're going to buy a park pass and go hiking, camping, swimming, exploring there often as we possibly can :)

Judah's first food

2010-05-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is how Judah feeals about food. Here is avocado, but with even just rice cereal, he makes the sourest expression - as if I just gave him a lemon - it is hysterical!

Pure Sweetness

2010-05-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

Boondoggle

2010-05-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

I learned a new word listening to my favorite preacher describing the Manhattan Declaration:

boon·dog·gle [ bn dàwg'l, bn dògg'l ] (plural boon·dog·gles)

noun
Definition:

1. wasteful pursuit: an activity or project that is unnecessary and wasteful of time or money, especially one undertaken for personal or political gain

2. politically motivated government project: a government project of little practical value funded to gain political favor

[Mid-20th century. An invented word: originally a braided leather cord made by Scouts]

boon·dog·gle intransitive verb
boon·dog·gler noun

I love big words!

I just discovered Interviews with John MacArthur on Grace To You, interviews on Larry King Live, interviews on news shows, random interviews at the church . . . and spent the kid's naptime today watching a number of them. So thankful for the wisdom and discernment, and CLARITY the Lord has imbued him with.

I love TRUTH.

Grace To You www.gty.org

FACEBOOK FUNK

2010-05-05T14:26:00.000-07:00

I have a laptop.

It is wireless.

I can carry it to any part of the house with me "in case" I need to research something.

What ends up happening, is that after I've researched it, I inadvertently end up on FACEBOOK to see if I have any notifications. I always say, "I'm just going to take a 5 minute Internet break."

Problem is, 5 minutes becomes 10.
10 minutes becomes 15.
15 minutes becomes 30.

You get the point.

I have been visiting inspiring blogs by neat women who love something I love - but they are very creative or good at it: homemaking, cooking, decorating, crafting, homeschooling . . . .

Lili is 3 years old, and I am constantly thinking about our schooling options. We are pretty sure that we are going to home school our kiddos at least through elementary.

This terrifies me for several reasons . . .
I'm not very disciplined, and I am worried I will not do a good job.
I don't feel adequate . . . teaching others doesn't come naturally to me, and I don't want to hinder my kids education.
I don't feel "smart" enough - for all you momma's who assure me that I can just follow the curriculum . . .

In any case, I "Deactivated" FACEBOOK. The sad thing about that is that all I need to do is to log back in to reactivate.

I remember in college sitting next to a girl who had her syllabus out, her checkbook, calculator, and a book she was reading all over her desk during the lecture.

I was sitting white knuckled, hanging on to EVERY word the teacher said (secretly wishing I had a tape recorder so I could go back and fill in empty note spots, or copy word for word things he hinted we might be tested on - or something I just really wanted to remember). She got great grades, was on leadership staff, and was someone to look up to. I compared myself to her, and felt so dumb, and wondered why school just came harder to me than her? Honestly - I don't remember too much about college - it was a blur, I was just trying to hang on for dear life, and hope I'd pass. I memorized answers for tests, do my assignments to the letter of the law - totally overlooking what I was suppose to be learning.

As I read through different websites looking at different curriculum, I find myself comparing myself to other women - who make it look so easy - and it takes me like 1/2 hour to read through one page of one philosophy of homeschooling blah blah blah. I feel like I am back in college again.

Well, I am a little older now, and realize I am not other women, I am me. I have to daily reconcile myself to my limits, and try to lean on the Lord in those weaknesses, and do the best that I can.

Cutting away time wasters is my conviction these days. Oh how I loved posting pictures of my family and reading the com(pli)ments, how I loved reading status updates, seeing friend's growing families, posting status updates and getting people's insight, encouragement, ACKNOWLEDGEMENT . . .

Some women can take it or leave it, and not waste time on it . . . I wish I were like them :)

One of the options for why I deactivated my account was "This is just temporary - I'll be back." Maybe that is me, peaking in from time to time to see how people / "friends" are doing, how the kids are growing etc. but for now, it's no more FB breaks for me, so I can use up all of those little scraps of time to be a "worker at home" - attending to my hardworking husband, my children - my treasures, and my home.

It's what I gotta do!

I love being a mommy . . . .

2010-04-26T20:58:00.000-07:00

I still can't believe this little treasure has been entrusted to me . . .

Lili recites her verses

2010-04-19T13:58:00.001-07:00

Maddie recites her verses

2010-04-19T13:58:00.000-07:00

Resurrection Sunday

2010-04-06T14:30:00.000-07:00

Maddie's hilarious bed-head

2010-03-29T12:00:00.001-07:00

She always cracks us up with her crazy hair - matches her personality!

Judah Laughing

2010-03-08T15:07:00.001-08:00

Puzzles and Parenting . ..

2010-02-22T14:07:00.001-08:00

How do I parent 3 children aged 3 and under? Alot of tuning out . . . as you can see (Maddie whines all the time when she doesn't get enough sleep!) At 11am this morning, the girls were fighting, screaming and crying, and Judah was also screaming unconsolably . . . . for a good 1/2 hour-45 minutes . . . I was beside myself .. . . but it passes, and naptime comes, I can have a cup of coffee, read, and waste a little time on the internet ;P For reals this is mostly for our family, it's long! And I usually deal with whining . . . but at times - you just gotta tune it out!

2010-02-03T15:03:00.000-08:00

Lili's first official *date* :) They went to see Princess and the Frog . . . so precious. It was a big day for her, as she got to skip her nap, and dress up, and go somewhere special with Daddy. She loved it.
Their very first night sleeping in bunkbeds *sniff sniff.* it took quite a long time for Maddie to fall asleep . . and I am the one who kept tearing up over it . . . it surprised me.

First night in her big girl bed. She hasn't fallen out once - but even if she did, it's not far from the ground :) Lil's fell out once or twice from a higher bed :(

Judah smiling

2010-02-03T07:57:00.001-08:00

Little Macaroon is our newest nickname - he has some eczema we are treating with coconut oil. This morning he woke up all smiles and coo's :)

Happy Birthday Lili!! You are 3 today!

2010-01-26T07:28:00.000-08:00

Lili is our very independent girl, who is curious about everything we are doing, and always wants to help. Her milestones this year are talking clearly for the most part - she still has words she needs to work on - but it is fun to communicate with her - and her ideas are pretty funny most of the time. She is a daddy's girl, and loves roughhousing with him every night. She always asks what everything is, and loves learning. I look forward to learning alot of new things with her this year. She loves helping mommy in the kitchen, baking "tookies," putting away silverware, and putting things away in the refridgerator :) She is learning to share her toys with her sis, and how to practice self-control when she wants to scream her brains out at Maddie when she just won't leave her alone :) She loves to take care of Judah when he cries, and she absolutely ADORES her big brothers - squealing in delight when they come back home after a long 10 days away. She has memorized Ephesians 6:1 which says "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right." Lili is definately our jibber jabberer . . . . she is ALWAYS talking and/or singing - and her songs are usually about what is going on around her - it is so cute!
She recently potty trained in two days! Yippeeeee! and now she loves going on the potty every time!

We love our Lili Bug - and praise the Lord for giving her to us. She is a gift, and we look forward to training her heart towards the Gospel.
Happy Birthday baby girl! You are getting SO BIG!

14 Years Ago this month . . .

2010-01-18T12:16:00.000-08:00

My whole entire life was turned upside down. Before that, I had no ambitions, no goals, no dreams, no accomplishments and my life was a train wreck waiting to happen. I BARELY graduated high school - I paid someone to write my one and only term paper - and the public school I transferred from a private school into in the middle of my 11th grade year squeezed me through the system with no upper level science or math classes like geometry, calculus, I knew very little algebra. I wasn't sure I was REALLY going to graduate until the diploma was in my hand. And when I actually DID get my diploma - I literally raised my fist in the air saying that I would never set another foot inside another educational facility as long as I lived. Everything I tried out for failed miserably, and I lived discontentedly where ever I was, whoever I was with, and whatever I was doing. I was a loser, in a dingy filthy apartment, squandering any little money I made on pot and alcohol. I had contemplated suicide many times, but knew enough about hell, that I was too scared to do it - I wasn't sure if I would go to heaven or not. I had "asked Jesus into my heart" hundreds of times as a kid, I believed in God, and Jesus, heaven and hell, and I was pretty sure that my many prayers "covered me." I could go on and on about the drunken conversations about the Bible, and contemplating life. Thankfully the Lord brought some amazing people into my life who not only taught me what the Bible teaches, but lived it out in front of me the best they knew how. They confronted me at a huge changing point in my life, and exhorted me to see whether or not I was truly a Christian (2 Cor. 13:5 "Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves, or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?-unless indeed you fail to meet the test!), because with my mouth I said I was, but with my life (characterized by lying, deceit, fornication etc.) it was evident that I wasn't. The Bible says that those who practice such sins will never enter the kingdom of heaven (I Corinthians 6:9 - "Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." Revelations21:8 - "But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable, as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur . . ." . My jaw hit the floor - were they actually calling my salvation into question? I said the prayer! Many times.

about 3-4 years after that is when I found myself in a hopeless pit, I couldn't trust anyone - I wasn't trustworthy, I had nothing, nobody, and life seemed hopeless, and meaningless. I cried myself to sleep every night for weeks? Months? I didn't know what to do.

Then one day I cried out in anger at God, asking Him what He wanted from me. I said the prayer! What else did He want from me? Why was my life a mess? Why couldn't I change it? I would rather be dead, but was too scared . . . what if it was true - that I wasn't a true Christian? I cried out to God to take my life and do whatever He wanted with it, whatever I knew He wanted me to do, I would do it. A pain shot through my heart as I thought about what it might cost me (friendships, relationships, partying). I didn't care - ANYTHING at this point was better than where I was at.

Slowly and gently, the Lord opened my eyes to my sinfulness - not as mistakes, but the deep sinfulness of my heart. Even I could compare myself to some of my peers and say "at least I am not as bad as that" - or I felt good about some of the things I had done - like giving whole paychecks to friends who had nothing, I'd give the shirt off my back to anyone who needed one . . . But no, here I was seeing my sinfulness in a new way, it was personal, it was a personal affront to a holy God. I couldn't articulate that at the time, but I knew it in my heart. It was almost as if my life started to flash before my eyes, all the terrible things that I had done . . . and it didn't take long before I fell to my knees and asked God to forgive me. For the first time in my life I understood what it meant that Jesus Died for my sins. I heard it all my life - and tried to act like I knew what it meant - but I didn't truly - didn't truly understand what Jesus' death did for me. Now it was clear, He took the punishment that I rightly deserved for my sins, on Himself. I asked God for forgiveness, and I felt forgiven, I felt clean, for the first time in my life, I felt clean.
I latched onto 2 Corinthians 2:17 as my favorite verse: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." ESV
Since then God has more than healed fractured relationships, I have gone to California to an awesome church, and college and graduated with a bachelor's of Science degree, in Home Economics. There I met the sister of my future husband, and we became good friends . . . I had the life-changing opportunity to travel to Uganda, in Africa for 6 weeks with my college peers, and now I am blissfully married - with 3 little blessing underfoot, and I am overwhelmingly thankful. I could write a hundred posts on all of the blessings, provisions, friendships, opportunities, experiences I have had because God changed my life!

Sometimes as I am going through my day, a smell, or music, or something will transport me back in time, and memories will flood in of my life before Christ, and I well up with tears of praise and thanksgiving for all HE HAS DONE FOR AND IN ME. I had no idea life could be SO full, meaningful, I had no idea I could be so happy, I never dreamt God would give me my very own children to raise up for Him with all my baggage. I am a NEW CREATURE - the old has passed! Everything has become new!

God treated Jesus as if Jesus had committed every sin ever committed by everyone who believe on Him, SO THAT He could treat us as if we had never done anything but the righteous deeds of Jesus. I use to think "I'm not that bad, I am not a murderer, or a thief etc." Sin means "missing the mark" - missing the mark of PERFECT righteousness from the day we are born until the day we die, we miss the mark. Jesus didn't miss the mark - He fulfilled all of God's laws and requirements PERFECTLY from the day He was born, until the day He was murdered.

It isn't enough to offer glib prayers to God, He wants all of us, or none of us. The Bible actually says that if we truly believe in Him, we will have to daily take up our cross, and follow him. Jesus' hearers at the time understood "taking up your cross" - it was a Roman form of execution, and a more than distasteful form of it to the Jews - it means to die to ourselves, and recognize His Lordship in our lives, we don't make Him Lord, He IS LORD of Lords, and KING of Kings. Jesus isn't standing at the doors of our hearts waiting for our verdict on Him, we can only come to Him on His terms - COMPLETE surrender of all we are - to all that He is.

My eternal life doesn't start when I die, it started in January of 1996.

And so, I will go on praising Him who gives life more abundantly, who freed me not only from the penalty of my sin, but also from it's tyranny in my life. To God alone be praise, and glory!
So, if you think you are a Christian - but you don't live like one and you don't know why, or you are putting if off . . . something is wrong with your profession of faith because God isn't impotent. I would lovingly exhort you too - to examine yourself - to see if you are truly in the faith. If you truly are a Christian, this examination will only bolster, and encourage you. If not, it may lead you to salvation.
Click here to learn more about the truths that changed my life:
http://www.gty.org/Resources/Articles/A335